Chris Hooley’s -ThinkBait-

SnoopBloggyBlog is known for copying everything awesome that I do.  So when I went out and got a cute puppy, it’s no surprise Jon felt he had to follow suit.  But Jon is under the false impression that his puppy is CUTER than mine.  CUTER THAN MINE?!  Not possible.  You might be SEO Savvy, but you are not a very good judge of puppy cuteness, Jon Heinl.

Jon’s opinion remains unaltered by my domineering attempts to get him to admit my Bailey is cuter than his Tyson.  So I declared a PUPPY-OFF!!!

The rules are simple, I post the two pictures below, and YOU just comment on this thread that my puppy is cuter.  If you choose not to admit MY puppy is cuter, you are also a false prophet of puppy cuteness and you can join Jon among the ranks of people who have no idea how to judge the cuteness of a puppy.

So let’s do this thing…

Tyson

Here is Jon’s puppy.  He’s a 7 week old boxer who doesn’t sleep, whines a lot, and poops gigantically all over the house.  Cute?  Maybe.

Bailey

Now here is my little Bailey.  A sweet little 7 week old Malti-Poo who already is somewhat potty trained and can fit easily into my front pocket for maximum cuteness retention.

Now you be the judge, which puppy is cuter?  (say mine)

I don’t blog much and this post alone will probably suppress my readership list by ten percent, but I feel it is very important to point something out. Joshua Strebel, although a pretty good guy, is a big, effin loser! Always a bridesmaid and never a bride (although he secretly dreams about me in a tux) he has always been number 2, in more ways than one, for longer than I can remember. (get the number two comment, it’s not just rankings but it’s also double entendre about him being a big poop)

If you want to join our campaign in calling out Josh as a big effin loser, please add the following code to your website!

<a href=”http://saint-rebel.com/” title=”Big Effin Loser!”>Effin Loser</a>

Thanks, that will be all!

I love you Josh. Call me, we’ll do beers.

The SEO Superlatives Team has reviewed nearly ONE THOUSAND polls, and your winners have been determined.  But, our work is not done yet.  Compilation of the master post is currently underway. This blog post is just a teaser!  Results will not be leaked, no matter HOW MUCH you hound us!!

We plan on posting the results along with the rest of the fireworks.  In the meantime, thank you so much for your participation!

OK folks, here’s your chance to cast your votes! The voting closes after the first 250 responses (or until the committee gets bored!) so choose your winners now! The SEO Superlatives Polls are officially open!

EDIT- we hit 250 responses in about an hour, so it’s opened up to 1000 responses. There’s STILL TIME to cast YOUR votes!

Please note- this page requires Firefox. Other browsers are really gonna hose this page.

The SEO Superlatives committee has been established, and we’re already hard at work. Much thanks to those who’ve put their time and effort into helping me with this so far. For those who want to nominate your choice for any of the categories, you know who to bug now!

And without further ado (sp?), here’s your committee!

Chris Hooley - Wannabe Class President - AKA Captain T.C.
Lisa Barone - Secretary of Pure Awesome, from Bruce Clay’s Search Engine Optimization Blog
Melanie Nathan - Can’t think of a title, but she works at this Edmonton Design Firm
Michael VanDeMar - Secretary of SMACKDOWN
David Temple - Gentleman and SEM Scholar
Taylor Pratt - Mustache Advocate from Gonzo SEO, who’s obsessed with this for some reason
Zak Nicola - Content Writer (bwaaahahahaa!)
David Harry - Staff Hat Salesman

D

Still awaiting confirmation from a couple other peeps. I’ll add them as they confirm. But for the most part, we’re set… to judge you… in public! LOVIN’ IT!

Looking in my old yearbook, I found it fascinating who was chosen “Most likely to succeed”, “Best Couple”, or “Class Clown” (BTW- that was me in Jr. High) . Seems a lot of it was pretty much right on. The only thing I didn’t like about it is that on clique had editorial control on these lists. Ever since then, I’ve wanted to be the guy who makes the list.

Well, I just decided today that I AM gonna be that guy.

In the next few days, I’ll be developing the SEO Superlatives list. Yearbook style, with a male and female winner in each non-couple, non-group category.

I’ll open up nominations a day or so after all the categories are chosen. I need *your* help to generate the categories *you* would find the most interesting / entertaining / stupid, whatever. I think this will be pretty fun!

So far I have the following categories earmarked:

• SEO Most Likely to Succeed
• SEO Conference Clown
• SEO Couple
• SEO Party Animal
• SEO Flirt
• Smartest SEO
• Most Athletic SEO
• SEO Social Media Addict
• Best SEO Blogger
• Best Smile
• Best SEO Conference

Newly added superlatives! (from awesome commenters)

• Best SEO Conference Speaker
• Best SEO You’ve Never Heard Of
• Most Creative SEO
• Most Likely To Be Banned
• V1@gr.A Salesman Of The Year
• Cutt’s Pet
• Biggest Google Fanboy
• Least likely to date Hooley (ha haha)
• Best technical SEO
• Top Linkbaiter
• SEO with the biggest PageRank
• Best Dressed SEO
• Best SEO Hair
• Biggest SEO Nerd
• Best SEO Nickname/Handle
• Most fiery SEO
• SEO most likely to become president
• Most Likely To Get Kicked Out Of The Bar
• Most Likely To Close The Bar
• The SEO You’d Be Most Afraid To Bring Home to Mom
• Best Up and Coming SEO
• Most Feared SEO
• Mr / Ms Congeniality?
• Most Likely to Start an Argument
• Most Likely to Win an Argument (even if they’re wrong!)
• Best Fence Sitter
• Best Tweeter
• Nosiest SEO
• Snarkiest SEO
• Most Traveled SEO
• Best Ranter SEO
• Most Networked SEO
• Best SEO Hater
• Most Sharing/Giving SEO

Please add any other superlatives you would like to see on this list in a comment below so I can get this thing rocking! Nominees will obviously get those clean links and stuff, and winners get a lil mo’

Hook it up, add your ideas below!

I must admit, I’m a bit nostalgic about the says when the internet was a little underground. I got joke emails and actually WANTED to receive them. Only a select few in my circle saw all the same viral stuff I did. It felt kind of exclusive.

But on the other hand, it is amazing to see this same creativity at the forefront of pop culture. Watching the web grow into what it has become was something only my generation witnessed. We watched history being made daily, and we still are watching. The web is still in it’s infancy, but it’s already now as mainstream as it gets.

Insert Weezer. Their new video is a compilation of viral video stars, which has literally changed my opinion of them as a band. I never disliked them, but I was never a big Weezer guy. Now, from one stinkin’ video, they have converted me into a huge fan. Those of you who are as web geeeky as I am will absolutely love this video. And without further ado, and a few weeks behind the curve, I present to you my new favorite video of all time. Weezer’s Pork and Beans. Enjoy!

If you’re like me (a completely A.D.D. web geek) your attention span is probably really shor..

So short I couldn’t even finish writing that sentence…

So let’s get to the point then.  Come follow me on Twitter.  Micro-blogging.  Fast.   Click here and win fabulous prizes!

While perusing some of the premium content over at SEOmoz for some new nuggets, I found the answer. The magic bullet. The ONE thing I need on my blog to harness the sheer link power of the internet.

And this was the result:

Now, I just sit back and wait for the ranks to ROLL right in! Thanks Mozzers!!

The only thing that could possibly be more Irish for the SEM community is moving the SES to Boston… check that, I guess you could have it in IRELAND, but I digress…

NEW YORK FUCKIN’ CITY! S.E.S. Pub Crawl! St. Patrick’s Day!! I don’t know what YOUR plans are, but if you’re a REAL web marketer, you’re probably a party animal like the rest of us. If you’re a REAL party animal, you probably like pubs and pub crawls. If you REALLY like pubs or pub crawls, you’re probably Irish (and even if you aren’t you still pretend you are on St. Patty’s Day).

Here’s the deal, there is a prefect intersection of BAD ASS happening this Monday, in New York Fuckin’ City. I don’t know what YOUR plans are yet but drop them cuz the real bad asses in our industry will be doing ONE THING ONLY. And that’s whoopin’ it up, drinking green beer and Guinness (or Irish Whiskey if you’re extremely bad ass), and talking about how awesome Chris Hooley is during the S.E.S. Pub Crawl!

More details to come, but be ready mofos!

Being a single dad means wearing a lot of hats. Dad, mom, chef, doctor, teacher, coach, and sometimes when I am lucky, activity coordinator. Being in charge of the activities means I don’t have to play house, have a tea party, or pretend I am a Disney prince… all activities that I grin and bear with a smile, none of which I am particularly fond of (especially being the Prince, I keep telling her if she’s the Princess, I am the KING!)

After a while, I’ve started to figure out some ways to spend time with my kiddo while maintaining some semblance of manliness AND getting some exercise at the same time. It helps that she’s almost 5 now and is able to partake in more vigorous activities but I digress. Here are 7 great active ideas for Dad’s with little girls who like me, don’t have enough time to both play with the kiddo and get in their daily exercise!

1) Weight Lifting - Daddy Style

Daddy Style weightlifting means your weights are… your kid! It’s free, requires no travel, and it can be done right on your living room floor. My daughter loves to be bench pressed, curled, lifted, leg lifted, etc. We also take turns with sets. She tries bench pressing my arm or leg, and tests her strength. It’s a great way to teach your daughter how to exercise, and to motivate her to try harder or challenge herself. The only problem I’ve encountered in getting a real workout here is that she’s only 45 pounds. I can’t exactly mass build when benching a toddler.

2) Pretend Wrestling

This one is the easiest; and again this one’s free! Kids love to be “roughed up” as long as you aren’t actually rough at all. It’s also the perfect time to teach appropriate boundaries. We have tons of fun pretending we are boxers or professional wrestlers while we pretend to punch, block, kick, or grapple in ways that don’t hurt your “opponent”. I’ll often lift her up over my head pretending I tossed her out of the ring, while slowly lowering her to the ground and pretend shouting “nooooooo!” Gives me a little of that healthy muscle burn, and give her a laugh from being suspended in mid air.

3) Karaoke Dance Parties

This activity isn’t exactly free since it requires music… and for my reputation’s sake this can only be done if the blinds are closed. But this is one of my guilty pleasure and secretly one of my favorites.

I have a playlist on my iPod that has a ton of 80s music (with no swears of course!) sprinkled in with some Hannah Montana and a few No Doubt songs for good measure. We crank up the iPod dock and use one of her brushes as a microphone and we pretend to do concerts for her dolls, or we’ll even make up silly dance routines. I use this opportunity to dance like a maniac, bordering physical comedy. She laughs like a maniac, bordering asthma attacks.  However if the general population ever saw this, there would be a lot more crying than laughing… either from me, or those watching it.

4) Playing the Wii

This might be the manliest activity on my list. What guy doesn’t like video games? Especially ones their 4-5 year old daughter likes too! When we play Wii bowling, to increase the healthy factor, we pretend to run down the isle just like real bowling and we even jump when we release the ball. It doesn’t help my accuracy much, but at least we’re getting active and having some fun.

5) Going Out “Discovering”

The outdoors can be fantastical to a child-if they have the right guide. We’ll walk down the street and I’ll help her climb random objects pretending they are something from out of this world. Sometimes we’ll find a trail and climb hills, large rocks, or small mountains and pretend we’re discovering new lands.  Sometimes I’ll even let her load up her wagon with dolls and we went for a walk around the block pretending we were tour guides.

6) Target Jumping

This one is a real hit with the kids.  All you gotta do is set “targets” around the house or outside.  I often use my finger against a wall or a washable marker.  Set your targets at various heights just near the top of your daughter’s max jumping height.  Give her a route around the house, and she must touch or slap each target.  If the target is too high, lower it a bit.  Too low?  Add another higher one.  Use your watch like a stop watch and time her like it’s an obstacle course (I often make up times and keep yelling “GO GO GO! You’re Gonna Break the Record!”.  20 minutes of this and she’ll be napping in no time!

There are a bunch of variations in this game, where you can follow her around the “course” and hit your own targets, or if your daughter has friends over you can line them all up and use your finger against the wall and adjust for each of their jumping abilities.   If you’re tired, just lean against the wall and set various targets with your hand or finger.  If you wanna rev up, get outside and make it challenging for both of you.  You’d be surprised at how much fun your little one will have with this one.

7) Tasting Parties

A tasting party is when you choose a couple of new foods (we usually do exotic fruits) and see what they taste like.  I usually take my daughter to the grocery store so we can look at different fruits and vegetables to figure out which we would like to try that day.  Then we take them home, wash them together, and prepare them to be served (I usually handle anything that has to do with a knife!)  Then we set our plates, and take turns tasting things and explaining what they taste like.  This is a perfect way to refuel after some exhausting play time AND to replace junk food snacks with healthier alternatives.

8) BONUS ACTIVITY: Take a nap!

Because both you and your kid are probably worn out now!

If anybody else knows of any other healthy activities for Dads and Daughters, comment here and let me know what YOU do.  I’m always looking for new ways to bond with my kid and keep that Daddy Belly in check!  Plus, this could be a good resource for people who started like me, having NO IDEA how to raise a little girl.  Single dads (like me) especially could probably use a little guidance sometimes.

Chris Hooley Talks Chris Hooley, SEO, and Awesomeness in General

That.  Just. Happened.

I have so much to say about my experience but the pain is too strong to write it all right now. But like every dark cloud, even THE Biggest Disappointment in Sports History had a shining moment for me. I was on TV! Watch the clip and relish my huge fame and instant popularity!

Wow, that movie was terrific eh? Send all movie script roles to me via my contact page!

Anybody need some? I can get them to you at the last minute. I live in AZ. There are very few of these bad boys left on the planet!

(I just magically turned into a ticket broker!!)