Tag: SEO

Soooo… SEO huh? What’d I Miss?

I don’t know if y’all knew this but, I used to be pretty good at this SEO crap.  But after taking a few years off I an only assume I missed a lot of super important stuff.  I heard something about a panda bear, some scheme-a-ma-jig, so-cal votes and facebook smears…

Seems important.

Do uh, links, still work for SEO?  Anybody out there still spinning and winning?  From what I have read, every type of automation has been systematically weeded out and all sites using it have been banned right?  We need to “hand-job” everything in order to succeed?

One thing’s for sure, from the research I’ve done since I’ve been back, I can say this: there’s still just as much noise, fear mongering, ass licking, and bullshit being pushed from these so called “experts” as there was back in the day when I was ignoring them.

I call bullshit.

As much as some nuances have changed, the basics are still the same.  Get links.  The bigger the better.  Get authority.  And anchor text still works.  Search engineers always find ways to close holes in their algorithms that have been exposed time and time again, right?  But for some reason there still are holes so big you can still drive a Mack truck through them.  And some of the new stuff they’re introducing is even easier to game in it’s early stages.  *cough* *choke* *automated google +1 votes* *fart*

In all my years, I’ve played in and dominated very competitive verticals, and I have never had a single site banned.  Because common sense tells you don’t get too spammy, and don’t be too obvious, and don’t be evil.  Just because you can flare up some behind the proxy scraper / spinner / poster / pinger tools to harvest 30,00 links doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.  But competitive sense should tell you that just because a few big time SEO names or search engine employees at some expensive drunk fest glad-handing circle jerk (I mean conference, in case you didn’t catch the reference) tell you not to do something, IT DOESN’T MEAN THAT IT WILL NOT WORK.  You just have to get a feel for where the line is and don’t cross it… too often.  And if you do cross the line, do it by a tip toe, not by a mile.  Don’t be the Leeroyyyyyy Jenkins of link building.

There are safe ways to be aggressive.  Even now, when everybody tells you it’s impossible.  Don’t run around like an idiot blowing shit up with a hydrogen bomb where a single sniper should would do the trick.  And don’t listen to these fools trying to throw you off course.  Get links.  Good ones.  Lots of em.  And rank Up!

The Ultimate SEO Marriage – I’ll Do the Honors

Imagine a marriage between cShel and Daver.  High atop the Sears Tower, the place is packed with friends, family, and SEO Superstars.  They are broadcasting live on uStream and hundreds of people are watching online.  Lisa Barone is live blogging the event, with SugarRae smacking her in the back of the head for not using the <more> tag.

Dave’s looking sharper than ever; standing at the alter in his tux, plams sweating, so focused on whats about to happen that he’s not even checking his iPhone for Twitter updates.  Carolyn walks in the room, looking absolutely ravishing.  Heads turn, and twitpic lights up with mobile uploads of our SEO darling in the most beautiful wedding dress Adsense ever bought.

SEO Wedding Couple

All of the sudden, “Here Comes the Bride” is scratched to a halt and Europe’s “The Final Countdown” starts blasting over the speakers.  Strobe lights, fog, lights camera action.  Chris Hooley is elevated from a platform below the stage, pounding a beer bong like it’s spring break. “KISS THAT BRIDE MANG SO WE CAN GET THIS PARTY STARTEEEEEED!”

Chris Hooley the Dudeist Priest

Dave busts out a rock the size of a softball (paid for by his newly launched pyramid affiliate scheme), pops it on Carolyn’s dainty finger, and Hooley screams “I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU SEO MAN AND SEO WIFE (#2)”.

This Could Happen, Really.

I can legally perform a marriage for any of you SEO rockstars, and turn your special day into a virtual circus.  For a small fee, or some kick ass links to some of my most prized web properties, THE Chris Hooley can do YOUR honors.  Because I’m now an ordained priest.

I’m a Dudeist Priest.

If you’re interested in hiring me to get the deed done, I take PayPal, money orders, Google Checkout, or XLS sheets filled with hot link locations.  I also do birthdays, bar mitzvahs, and I’m a notary public.

If you wanna learn more about how to become a dudeist priest yourself, I’m selling an ebook with convoluted instructions so I can make it seem more complicated than it really is and charge a fee for it, even though it’s free at this site over here.  So give me money and let’s turn your wedding into a real party!

The Art of Stroking the SEO Ego

Social media, SEO, and the ego of a marketing / sales person.  All three of those things are gigantic, and all continue to grow out of control.  But even the juggernaut universe of the social web is dwarfed by the sheer size of some SEOs’ egos.

As marketers, we should be keen on spotting imbalances in markets.  Trained ninjas sizing up the competition, and spotting opportunity.  Low hanging fruit is what we live off of.   Well, the imbalance of the size of peoples’ egos versus perception creates the perfect formula for that low hanging fruit.

Ask yourself; why is it so many web marketers are such easy prey when it comes to ego stroking?  It’s simple.  The power of YOU.  “YOU” is the most powerful word in marketing.  “YOU” is the new “FREE.” “YOU” are susceptible, and even “YOU” can’t hide from the essential human need to be recognized.

Perception is reality, and if the person stroking “YOU” is somebody who has you believing they are larger than life, or at least larger than you, “YOU” will always notice if they notice “YOU.”

Lists of people you consider to be “aspirational” (somebody who’s position you are striving to be in) are an effective way to make them to notice “YOU.”  Everybody recognizes recognition.  Link to some of your favorite bloggers or industry experts, especially if their following is similar size or maybe just a little bigger.   With some ego stroking, they will notice.  Heck, they might even link back.  And you’re putting karma points on the board.  People like people who like them.

But if you want to make an even bigger dent, link to somebody who is HUNGRY.  Somebody on the front lines, right now, trying to get where “YOU” are at.  Somebody who finds “YOU” aspirational.  There’s a lot more bang for your buck in making a big impression on the next big thing, instead of getting in line to impress the current big thing.

So re-assess your next ego bait piece for a minute.  What’s going to get your more milleage, a lot of a little that is growing, or a little of a lot that is not?  Think about it. And take time to notice the new kid on the block.  That kid might just be the next big thing.

[edit – karma points on the board for Jason from ThinkBasis for the link hookup- Thanks man!]

My Upcoming SEO Conference Speaking Gig!

SunCity SEOcon was traditionally an underground Arizona SEO meetup that happened in the heat of the summer, during the day, to enjoy splashing around with cold beers, some good ole BBQ, and to pick the brains of local search marketing experts.  Year after year we had a blast.  This year, we opened it up to the public.

We’re keeping the theme similar, a good mix of fun in the sun / SEO conference / networking event.  It’s nothing like any other conferences.

Here’s a long winded analogy to kind of give you an idea of the way this thing will feel, as compared to the other known conferences.  SES is like a band playing a sold out stadium. PubCon is like a local band who hit the big time and come back to their home city’s biggest club. SMX is like a rave. Elite Retreat is like an intimate club with a bad ass band… SunCity SEOcon is like Snoop Dogg playing at MTV Beach Party.

I gotta say, I’m pretty excited about the whole thing.  The speakers are the real deal on this thing.  I mean, check out this allstar line up!

It’s going to be crazy.  Register now before it’s sold out!

SEO Superlatives Winners for 2008

The time has come to announced the winners for the 2008 SEO Superlatives. But before the announcement, I’d like to thank everybody who contributed. The SEO Superlatives Committee was awesome. All you crazy guys and gals who where socializing this, kick ass. Thanks so much for making this contest so much fun!

And without any further, here are your winners!

SEO Most Likely to Succeed

Danny Sullivan

SEO Conference Clown

Chris Hooley
In the running: Neil Patel

Best SEO Couple

Carolyn Shelby and Dave Rohrer
In the running: Greg and Barbara Boser

Best Dressed SEO

Brett Tabke
In the running: Kid Disco

SEO Party Animal

Chris Hooley

SEO’s Best Hairdo

Chris Winfield

SEO’s Biggest Flirt

Kimber Cook
In the running: Lisa Barone, Becky Ryan

Smartest SEO

Stephan Spencer
In the running: Aaron Wall,Bill Slawski

Most Athletic SEO

Cameron Olthuis

Best SEO Blogger

Lisa Barone
In the running: Loren Baker

Best Smile

Jane Copland

Best SEO Conference

Search Marketing Expo
In the running: PubCon

Best SEO Conference Speaker

Matt McGee

Best SEO You’ve Never Heard Of

Jeff Dempsey
In the running: Jon Heinl, Karl Ribas

Most Creative SEO

Lyndon Antcliff

Most Likely To Be Banned


Biggest SEO Nerd

Aaron Wall
In the running: Neil Patel, Barry Schwartz,Bill Slawski

Best SEO Nickname/Handle

In the running: Captain Thundercock, FeedtheBot, the MadHat

Cutt’s Pet

Rand Fishkin

Best Technical SEO

Stephan Spencer

Top Linkbaiter

Andy Hagans (RIP!)
In the running (CLOSE RACE!): Lyndon Antcliff , Matt Inman

Best Up and Coming SEO

Eric Lander
In the running: Gab Goldenberg, Rhea Drysdale, Melanie Nathan

SEO Social Media Addict

Tamar Weinberg
In the running: Chris Winfield, Brent Csutoras

Biggest Google Fanboy

Ann Smarty
In the running: Brent D. Payne

Least Likely to Date Hooley

Jill Whalen
In the running: Greg Boser

Biggest PageRank

Matt Cutts
In the running: Bruce Clay

Most Fiery SEO

Michael Gray
In the running: Rae Hoffman

SEO Most Likely to Become President

Barry Schwartz
In the running: Danny Sullivan

Most Likely To Get Kicked Out Of The Bar

Chris Hooley
In the running: Rae Hoffman, Greg Boser

Most Likely To Close The Bar

Chris Hooley
In the running: Rae Hoffman, Patrick Sexton

The SEO You’d Be Most Afraid To Bring Home to Mom

Rae Hoffman

Most Feared in SEO

Matt Cutts

Mr / Ms Congeniality

Rand Fishkin
In the running: Vanessa Fox

Most Likely to Start an Argument

Michael Martinez
In the running: Michael Gray, Doug Heil

Most Likely to Win an Argument (even if they’re wrong!)

Rae Hoffman

Best Tweeter

Chris Winfield
In the running: Todd Friesen

Noisiest SEO

Chris Hooley

Most Traveled SEO

Danny Sullivan

Snarkiest SEO

Rebecca Kelley

Best SEO Ranter

Michael Gray

Most Networked SEO

Matt McGee

SEO Hater Award

Jason Calacanis
In the running: Jason Gambert

SEO’s Biggest Douchebag

Jason Gambert (forgettable SEO Trademark guy)

The Results

The winners were chosen almost 100% from the unfiltered voting results, allowing SEOs to game the voting system to the best of their abilities. And game they did.

There were more polls that only voted for one single person than completed surveys. IN all, half the votes were spam. HALF. Numerous nominees, especially in the categories for unknown or up and coming SEOs had bots voting themselves up in an almost embarrasingly traceable way. Same IP from nominee’s city votes for self 100 times in an hour? yep. Lots of that. Rushes of voters from India, Russia, Malaysia, and Poland overnight? Some of that too.

Despite attempts at altering the vote, much like Google we also had manual review. And much like Google, the popular vote still overpowered the spam for the most part, so the committee’s job was pretty darn easy in that regard.

Below are the unfiltered results of the vote.

As you’ll see, the committe only chose one or two winners over the unfiltered voting results. And sorry Michael, but it’s hard to believe you’re more feared than Matt Cutts in the SEO world.

Report: SEO Superlatives Summary – Compiled 07/04/08

1. SEO Most Likely to Succeed

Nominee Count Percent %
Danny Sullivan 228 41.76%
Barry Schwartz 159 29.12%
Rand Fishkin 80 14.65%
Aaron Wall 54 9.89%
Todd Friesen 25 4.58%

2. SEO Conference Clown

Nominee Count Percent %
Chris Hooley 309 60.00%
Neil Patel 166 32.23%
Darren Slatten 23 4.47%
Gab Goldberg 14 2.72%
Gab Goldenberg 3 0.58%

3. Best SEO Couple

Nominee Count Percent %
Carolyn Shelby and Dave Rohrer 197 38.70%
Greg and Barbara Boser 161 31.63%
Chris Hooley and Anna Rule 94 18.47%
David & Irma Wallace 30 5.89%
Jeff Quipp & Jennifer Osborne 27 5.30%

4. Best Dressed SEO

Nominee Count Percent %
Brett Tabke 208 38.88%
Kid Disco 127 23.74%
Pamela Lund 87 16.26%
Mikkel deMib Svendsen 66 12.34%
Pimp McFly 47 8.79%

5. SEO Party Animal

Nominee Count Percent %
Chris Hooley 238 45.33%
Todd Friesen 76 14.48%
David Harry 54 10.29%
Rae Hoffman 51 9.71%
Kid Disco 32 6.10%
Frank Watson 31 5.90%
Greg Boser 18 3.43%
Jon Heinl 11 2.10%
Greg Hartnett 8 1.52%
Aaron Chronister 6 1.14%

6. SEO’s Best Hairdo

Nominee Count Percent %
Chris Winfield 361 69.16%
Dana Todd 61 11.69%
Greg Boser 44 8.43%
Krazy Korean 32 6.13%
David Harry 24 4.60%

7. SEO’s Biggest Flirt

Nominee Count Percent %
Kimber Cook 161 34.26%
Lisa Barone 131 27.87%
Becky Ryan 84 17.87%
Lora Lufark 50 10.64%
Patrick Sexton 44 9.36%

8. Smartest SEO

Nominee Count Percent %
Stephan Spencer 278 52.85%
Aaron Wall 113 21.48%
Bill Slawski 79 15.02%
Rand Fishkin 40 7.60%
Brent D. Payne 12 2.28%
Joe Sinkwytz 4 0.76%

9. Most Athletic SEO

Nominee Count Percent %
Cameron Olthuis 247 49.40%
Becky Ryan 102 20.40%
Barry Schwartz 96 19.20%
Kid Disco 55 11.00%

10. Best SEO Blogger

Nominee Count Percent %
Lisa Barone 230 42.28%
Loren Baker 109 20.04%
Rebecca Kelley 50 9.19%
Aaron Wall 46 8.46%
Barry Schwartz 41 7.54%
Jane Copland 35 6.43%
Ann Smarty 20 3.68%
Bill Slawski 13 2.39%

11. Best Smile

Nominee Count Percent %
Jane Copland 276 51.21%
Becky Ryan 104 19.29%
Chris Winfield 62 11.50%
Zak Nicola 52 9.65%
Danny Sullivan 22 4.08%
Lyndsay Walker 18 3.34%
Greg Boser 5 0.93%

12. Best SEO Conference

Nominee Count Percent %
SMX 392 75.24%
PubCon 96 18.43%
SES 33 6.33%

13. Best SEO Conference Speaker

Nominee Count Percent %
Matt McGee 227 45.77%
Stephan Spencer 83 16.73%
Rand Fishkin 71 14.31%
Todd Friesen 44 8.87%
Greg Boser 35 7.06%
Neil Patel 22 4.44%
Jeremy Schoemaker 14 2.82%

14. Best SEO You’ve Never Heard Of

Nominee Count Percent %
Jeff Dempsey 131 20.44%
Justin Boeckman (asked to be removed from the competition) 92 14.35%
Michael Streko 88 13.73%
Kay Dinsdale 82 12.79%
Jon Heinl 64 9.98%
Karl Ribas 64 9.98%
Clint Danks 28 4.37%
Lyndsay Walker 26 4.06%
Melanie Phung 26 4.06%
Leslie Rohde 21 3.28%
Adam Moro 19 2.96%

15. Most Creative SEO

Nominee Count Percent %
Lyndon Antcliff 223 42.88%
Michael Gray 187 35.96%
Aaron Wall 59 11.35%
Jeremy Schoemaker 46 8.85%
Michael Campbell 5 0.96%

16. Most Likely To Be Banned

Nominee Count Percent %
Quadzilla 280 54.26%
Dave Naylor 103 19.96%
Slightly Shady SEO 88 17.05%
Irish Wonder 27 5.23%
Earl Gray 18 3.49%

17. Biggest SEO Nerd

Nominee Count Percent %
Aaron Wall 151 27.61%
Neil Patel 137 25.05%
Barry Schwartz 113 20.66%
Bill Slawski 96 17.55%
Tim Nash 28 5.12%
Dan Thies 17 3.11%
Adam Moro 5 0.91%

18. Best SEO Nickname/Handle

Nominee Count Percent %
SexySEO 158 29.48%
Captain Thundercock 139 25.93%
FeedtheBot 96 17.91%
the MadHat 64 11.94%
Seocracy 30 5.60%
SearchBuzz 18 3.36%
SEO Idiot 18 3.36%
OldSchoolSEO 13 2.43%

19. Cutt’s Pet

Nominee Count Percent %
Rand Fishkin 235 44.34%
Shari Thurow; 136 25.66%
Danny Sullivan 104 19.62%
Melanie Nathan 25 4.72%
Audrey Sieberling 21 3.96%
Lyndsay Walker 9 1.70%

20. Best Technical SEO

Nominee Count Percent %
Stephan Spencer 265 51.36%
Aaron Wall 92 17.83%
Bill Slawski 52 10.08%
Hamlet Batista 47 9.11%
Dan Thies 30 5.81%
Joe Sinkwytz 30 5.81%

21. Top Linkbaiter

Nominee Count Percent %
Andy Hagans (RIP!) 134 25.52%
Lyndon Antcliff 130 24.76%
Matt Inman 125 23.81%
Todd Malicoat 43 8.19%
Rand Fishkin 39 7.43%
Neil Patel 35 6.67%
Debra Mastaler 19 3.62%

22. Best Up and Coming SEO

Nominee Count Percent %
Eric Lander 198 37.50%
Gab Goldenberg 74 14.02%
Rhea Drysdale 67 12.69%
Melanie Nathan 60 11.36%
Jon Heinl 47 8.90%
Darren Slatten 37 7.01%
Doug Heil 18 3.41%
Melanie Phung 15 2.84%
Jeffrey Smith (couldn’t find his blog / site) 12 2.27%

23. SEO Social Media Addict

Nominee Count Percent %
Tamar Weinberg 226 36.63%
Chris Winfield 187 30.31%
Brent Csutoras 65 10.53%
Zak Nicola 45 7.29%
Lee Odden 26 4.21%
Martin Bowling 25 4.05%
Barry Schwartz 24 3.89%
Brent Cstustoras (lol!) 16 2.59%
Tad Chef 3 0.49%

24. Biggest Google Fanboy

Nominee Count Percent %
Ann Smarty 238 49.90%
Brent D. Payne 194 40.67%
Alex Chitu 45 9.43%

25. Least Likely to Date Hooley

Nominee Count Percent %
Jill Whalen 222 44.49%
Greg Boser 110 22.04%
Matt Cutts 84 16.83%
Stoney DeGeytor 60 12.02%
Dave Naylor 23 4.61%

26. Biggest PageRank

Nominee Count Percent %
Matt Cutts 225 44.29%
Bruce Clay 192 37.80%
Aaron Wall 64 12.60%
Danny Sullivan 27 5.31%

27. Most Fiery SEO

Nominee Count Percent %
Michael Gray 262 50.48%
Rae Hoffman 169 32.56%
Aaron Chronister 54 10.40%
Michael Martinez 23 4.43%
David Harry 11 2.12%

28. SEO Most Likely to Become President

Nominee Count Percent %
Barry Schwartz 217 41.65%
Danny Sullivan 159 30.52%
Rand Fishkin 70 13.44%
Jason Calacanis 41 7.87%
Andy Beal 34 6.53%

29. Most Likely To Get Kicked Out Of The Bar

Nominee Count Percent %
Chris Hooley 189 36.99%
Rae Hoffman 150 29.35%
Greg Boser 67 13.11%
Aaron Chronister 52 10.18%
Dave Naylor 39 7.63%
David Harry 8 1.57%
Earl Gray 6 1.17%

30. Most Likely To Close The Bar

Nominee Count Percent %
Chris Hooley 205 42.01%
Rae Hoffman 122 25.00%
Patrick Sexton 84 17.21%
Kid Disco 30 6.15%
Melanie Nathan 27 5.53%
Aaron Chronister 13 2.66%
Jon Heinl 7 1.43%

31. The SEO You’d Be Most Afraid To Bring Home to Mom

Nominee Count Percent %
Rae Hoffman 234 48.55%
Dave Naylor 70 14.52%
Chris Hooley 64 13.28%
Michael Martinez 64 13.28%
Greg Boser 26 5.39%
Earl Gray 13 2.70%
David Harry 11 2.28%

32. Most Feared in SEO

Nominee Count Percent %
Michael Gray 202 38.62%
Matt Cutts 171 32.70%
Rae Hoffman 66 12.62%
Dave Naylor 38 7.27%
Greg Boser 24 4.59%
Lora Lufark 22 4.21%

33. Mr / Ms Congeniality

Nominee Count Percent %
Rand Fishkin 230 43.98%
Vanessa Fox 130 24.86%
Chris Sherman 74 14.15%
Dazzlin Donna 62 11.85%
Barry Schwartz 27 5.16%

34. Most Likely to Start an Argument

Nominee Count Percent %
Michael Martinez 140 26.57%
Michael Gray 105 19.92%
Doug Heil 98 18.60%
Jill Whalen 62 11.76%
Rae Hoffman 55 10.44%
Darren Slatten 49 9.30%
Dave Naylor 12 2.28%
Brian Turner (couldn’t find his site) 6 1.14%

35. Most Likely to Win an Argument (even if they’re wrong!)

Nominee Count Percent %
Rae Hoffman 208 40.08%
Rand Fishkin 150 28.90%
Li Evans 84 16.18%
Jill Whalen 44 8.48%
Dazzlin Donna 18 3.47%
Shari Thurow; 15 2.89%

36. Best Tweeter

Nominee Count Percent %
Chris Winfield 290 55.24%
Todd Friesen 141 26.86%
Lee Odden 49 9.33%
Melanie Nathan 45 8.57%

37. Noisiest SEO

Nominee Count Percent %
Chris Hooley 244 53.74%
Brent D. Payne 126 27.75%
Darren Slatten 84 18.50%

38. Most Traveled SEO

Nominee Count Percent %
Danny Sullivan 189 37.43%
Todd Friesen 155 30.69%
Mike Grehan 84 16.63%
David Temple 45 8.91%
Lee Odden 32 6.34%

39. Best SEO Ranter

Nominee Count Percent %
Michael Gray 281 52.52%
Lisa Barone 155 28.97%
Michael Martinez 46 8.60%
Michael VanDeMar 29 5.42%
David Harry 19 3.55%
Darren Slatten 5 0.93%

40. Most Networked SEO

Nominee Count Percent %
Matt McGee 230 40.49%
Danny Sullivan 158 27.82%
Tamar Weinberg 95 16.73%
Lee Odden 43 7.57%
Chris Winfield 42 7.39%

41. SEO Hater Award

Nominee Count Percent %
Jason Calacanis 275 52.38%
Jeremy Schoemaker 97 18.48%
Jason Gambert (forgettable SEO trademark guy) 83 15.81%
Dave Pasternack 38 7.24%
Michael Gray 32 6.10%

42. Biggest SEO DoucheBag

Nominee Count Percent %
Jason Gambert (forgettable SEO trademark guy) 530 100.00%


THANKS SO MUCH to all who participated! I owe a lotta people beers on this one. David made some AWESOME badges for all nominees and winners. Feel free to grab one, and proudly display it on your blog! Linking back is optional (srsly, I pinged Matt Cutts like 10x on this blog post) but if you do, you know I got nuttin but love for ya.

Next post up will be a more in depth analysis on how this whole thing went down. I thought some of the behind the scenes stuff was really interesting. I’ll also have a post for those who got shafted this time around. There were a bunch of people who would have been nominated that were not, and a bunch of categories that would have been fun. We’ll get them in next time. But for this year, we’ll call the next vote the "SEO Shafties!" – coming soon peeps :-)

SEO Superlatives Winners TBA on the 4th of July!

The SEO Superlatives Team has reviewed nearly ONE THOUSAND polls, and your winners have been determined.  But, our work is not done yet.  Compilation of the master post is currently underway. This blog post is just a teaser!  Results will not be leaked, no matter HOW MUCH you hound us!!

We plan on posting the results along with the rest of the fireworks.  In the meantime, thank you so much for your participation!

SEO Superlatives Poll is Officially OPEN!

OK folks, here’s your chance to cast your votes! The voting closes after the first 250 responses (or until the committee gets bored!) so choose your winners now! The SEO Superlatives Polls are officially open!

EDIT– we hit 250 responses in about an hour, so it’s opened up to 1000 responses. There’s STILL TIME to cast YOUR votes!

Please note– this page requires Firefox. Other browsers are really gonna hose this page.

SEO Most Likely to Succeed
SEO Conference Clown
Best SEO Couple
Best Dressed SEO
SEO Party Animal
SEO’s Best Hairdo
SEO’s Biggest Flirt
Smartest SEO
Most Athletic SEO
Best SEO Blogger
Best Smile
Most Creative SEO
Best SEO Conference
Best SEO Conference Speaker
Best SEO You’ve Never Heard Of
Most Likely To Be Banned
Biggest SEO Nerd
Best SEO Nickname/Handle
Cutt’s Pet
Best Technical SEO
Top Linkbaiter
Best Up and Coming SEO
SEO Social Media Addict
Biggest Google Fanboy
Least Likely to Date Hooley
Biggest PageRank
Most Fiery SEO
SEO Most Likely to Become President
Most Likely To Get Kicked Out Of The Bar
Most Likely To Close The Bar
The SEO You’d Be Most Afraid To Bring Home to Mom
Most Feared in SEO
Mr / Ms Congeniality
Most Likely to Start an Argument
Most Likely to Win an Argument (even if they’re wrong!)
Best Tweeter
Noisiest SEO
Snarkiest SEO
Most Traveled SEO
SEO Hater Award
Best SEO Ranter
Most Networked SEO
Biggest SEO DoucheBag

I Wish I Was Good Looking… And Relevant

Wow, my fragile male ego took a double hit. A contest for the best looking SEO dude is the reason for my newfound insecurity. Either I got hit pretty hard with the Ugly Stick, or people forgot about me. I’m not sure which is worse, feeling ugly, or feeling like a nobody.

Oh well, at least my beautiful girlfriend still thinks I am the best looking man in SEO!

best looking dude is SEO with his beautiful lady!

Micro-Blogging; Come Follow Me on Twitter!

If you’re like me (a completely A.D.D. web geek) your attention span is probably really shor..

So short I couldn’t even finish writing that sentence…

So let’s get to the point then.  Come follow me on Twitter.  Micro-blogging.  Fast.   Click here and win fabulous prizes!

Enough with the SEO Fundamentalism!

According to my last check on Wikipedia, fundamentalism is a “deep and totalistic commitment” to a belief… usually of religious or moral nature. But what I have seen in the SEO community far too often is a “holier than thou” thumping of the general SEO population, that is by nature, narrow.

Now don’t get me wrong, I have morals. I stick to my personal set of ethics, both in my personal and professional life. They might not be the same as your values, but that doesn’t mean they are wrong.

Last week I stumbled (social) on a very entertaining story (bait). So entertaining in fact, I thought I would share it with some friends (viral) not realizing it was written by an well known SEO (bad ass). The story was about a 13 year old who stole a credit card to play halo with hookers. Who doesn’t want to read about that? It’s HILARIOUS! So hilarious in fact, it ended up getting mainstream media coverage from the likes of Fox News and such.

The story did not claim it was actual news, or even true for that matter. It was an entertaining anecdote, and people ate it up. Except for a whole bunch of SEOs who reacted harshly to it. Reading the sphinn comments on the story really started to test my patience. It felt like I was hanging out with my neighbors who always try to save me and take me to their church… which I am not a fan of BTW if you are reading this Eric.

Sentiments like “Social Media is ruined forever” and “SEO sunk to a new low” are preachy, at best. Jill Whalen, you and me go way back from my days at HighRankings, and the last thing I want is for you to feel offended here… but I don’t want to go to the SEO Church of Link Morality or subscribe to somebody else’s code of ethics. Establish your own, that’s fine and respectable. Just don’t thump us with them. We can all decide own how we choose to operate.

There is no black and white. Everything is shades of gray. We all must way the risks and rewards for our own actions, and think laterally. Sure, there are times I do wish others would up their own set of personal or professional ethics, but I’m not going to be the one preaching it to them. I’ll do what I do, you do what you do. Just don’t tell me what to do and we’ll be cool. Cool?

Corporate SEOs: Time to Give Yourself a Raise

Salaries for Corporate SEO Professionals vary drastically. So how do you know you’re getting paid what you deserve? Let’s explore a few ways to look at it, and at the end of this post, a one size fits all solution to bring to your higher ups for getting that raise!

First, let’s look at profitability. As a marketing guy, you probably have a pretty good idea how much is spent on promotions, and how much revenue your company generates from it. You might even be privy to information about fixed operating costs. In the best case scenario, your company even posts it profitability. If the company you work for is a cash cow, you can probably use profitability as a good selling point on getting an increased salary. ESPECIALLY if you can track it directly to your own individual efforts.

Let’s say your company nets 100 million annually, and you drive 30 million in profit while only spending a few million. There’s probably no good reason you should be making 50k yearly. If you work for a smaller company or a start up, chances are good you’re not producing hundreds or tens of millions in net revenue. In this case, check out the trends in your specific industry, and especially your company’s profit.

If there’s a big upside on the horizon, but little money going around at the moment, here’s your move: Sit tight at a lower salary for a while, but talk to your boss or CEO and plant the seed. Let them know you are OK with working at a lower salary temporarily, because you intend on helping to grow the company and to reap the benefits when that growth happens. From that point, track your performance (you should already be doing this anyways). If your company turns a corner and starts posting larger profits, and you have been doing more than your share, it’s probably a great time to remind your boss or CEO about your previous conversation and try to schedule a meeting.

Next, get a good idea about how much others who perform your specific job function earn, especially in your zip code. Salary.com is your friend. There are some awesome charts you can print out and keep on file. Use these on the big day when you approach your boss or CEO. I just performed a quick search on Web Promotion Specialist earnings in my zip code. Do the same for your exact title, or closest match.

As a rule of thumb, hiring managers are usually comfortable hiring new professionals in the 25% to 50% range according to Salary.com. If you want to demand more than that, you better know your stuff inside and out, have some concrete evidence or prior performance, and have a darn good sales pitch prepared. Oh, and people love pretty graphs and / or pie charts. Make some from your previous job(s) and keep them on file.

Another more risky technique of getting a raise is to feel out the market for YOU. Even in economically repressed times, there are always companies looking for web gurus. If your boss or CEO isn’t very receptive to chatting about your eventual raise, look for a job. Get an offer, and present it to your boss or CEO with the opportunity to match (provided you want to stay at your current job). If they cannot match, you can always jump ship to the next company willing to pay more.

But be careful, this is a higher risk technique. Both companies could look at your differently, possibly negatively, if you play hard ball. Do not use this technique if you think you can make headway in the politically correct way, or especially if you are somewhat easily replaced. Nobody want a high maintenance individualist on their team.

Even if there are valid reasons that you cannot have a pay increase, there’s always title. Getting a better title sometimes is easy if you pitch the company that you won’t cost any more. The better your title, the more likely your next job will pay better. Especially if the company you work for is not a start up. (side note: Titles at start ups, very small companies, or family businesses don’t usually carry the same weight from a hiring manager’s perspective. I can’t even count how many times I have interviewed CEOs from their own web design firm or music label who are looking for an entry level position.)

And finally, here is your one size fits all solution. 60% of the time, it works every time (thanks Anchor Man). But be forewarned, this magic formula will ONLY work if you can provide results. You MUST drive more volume than your current level. If you do, you have a raise. And without further ado, here is your formula.

Take your current salary, and cut it an half. Take your current performance metrics (hopefully sales volume or profitability) and devise a pay for performance monthly bonus structure, which sums up annually to half of your salary. Make sure you have a few versions of your bonus plan just in case your logic is disputed, make sure you have accurate reporting already in place. You want this plan to be bullet proof before you present it.

Here’s an example of the plan in action. Let’s just say you drove 100k in directly trackable profit for your company last year and you are currently paid 50k. Why not change your salary to 25k with a 25% profit share for volume you are pushing through your channels? This would show that your new plan would pay you exactly the same as last year.

Now here’s the kicker… If you drive 200k next year, your performance means you got an automatic raise to 75k. If you post a cool million, you just made yourself 275k. If that happens, and you used this method of negotiation, I’ll gladly accept checks for 10% of your earnings increase, made payable to Chris Hooley. No seriously, I’m OK with it. Email me. We’ll talk.

“I want my salary cut in half, and a fair bonus ONLY based on my performance” is not a hard pitch. For top level execs, it’s easy to swallow because you cut your fixed costs and only pay out if you are earning more. It’s a win-win situation.

Before you schedule your meeting, have those pretty graphs and charts printed out. Have your Salary.com info on hand. Look good, get plenty of rest, and put on your salesman hat (the one with the extra charm and wit). Be confident. Then go in and tell your boss you want a paycut, and that you only want to be paid if you provide results.

Why SEOs Love Speaking at Conferences

When I first got into SEO and SEM, my motivation was 1 part money and 5 parts making a name for myself. You probably already know my M.O. – I am THE Constant Self Promoter. Teachers called me disruptive, my peers called me an “attention whore” (along with a host of other profanities, depending on the day), my parents called me “driven”, “loud”, or “a ham”. It doesn’t matter what you call it, the fact is people who are like me, marketers, where born to attain the spotlight. And speaking at conferences is just one way people like me can validate themselves.

Let me just restate that and start another paragrach with it… Marketers where born to attain the spotlight. Now hold that thought.

In no particular order, here are the reasons SEOs love to speak at conferences:

  • Self Validation – It is typical human behavior to seek approval by being recognized by a social group, particularly one that a person associates with or strives to be a part of.
  • Money – Some get paid to speak, but that’s not really where the money is. The more you speak, the higher premium you can ask for when landing clients.
  • Chicks – I haven’t seen an actual female girl get hot for a dude who preached all there is to know about URL cannonicalization. But I bet conference groupies exist, and I bet there are some opportunistic SEOs who have wielded their badges to score some ‘tang. And on the flip side, girls can prolly land douchebags dudes as well, if they got that speaking mojo working for them.
  • Ego – Being respected or acknowledged for anything , no matter what your field, gives people a boost in self confidence. Just admit it, it feels good. In fact, just slide this bullet right under Self Validation and minimize the rest of the bullets, because IMO that’s really the main factor.
  • Your Boss Told You To – There are a couple firms that make a pretty good revenue stream from speaking gigs… they take talented, likable people, and show them all there is to know. Next thing you know, their firm is represented in all kinds of conferences, not just the big ones.
  • Free Drinks – It’s awesome when you have fanboys loading you up all week. Extend your hand while at any conference bar, and BOOM! Magically you have a fresh cold beer.

From the time I wrote my first blog post till now, I’ve held a secret that I never told anybody. I wanted to speak at conferences too. Feels good to finally get that out. I wanted the stage, the notoriety, and the approval of my peers. I wanted people to know who I am. And I wanted to shape what they know about me, my talking smart into a microphone while people write stuff down.

In my quest to feed my alpha male ego, I went on to start numerous joke bands just so I could be on stage. I posted inflammatory comments on blogs and forums just to get people going. And I made a *lot* of noise at conferences while others polished their professionalism and furthered their careers right in front of me.

Oddly enough I never had the guts to pursue the whole speaking thing. I was like that awkward teenage boy who likes that one girl but is afraid to talk to her. I never put one ounce into attempting to land a speaking gig. I felt like Chris Farley in Tommy Boy when he explains his salesmanship to the waitress. “I pet the speaking gig, I love the speaking gig, I squish the speaking gig, AAAHHHHHH I killed it! I killed my speaking gig!”

Do you want to know the reason I never pursued it? Honestly, I think my frail alpha male ego couldn’t take the rejection if I didn’t make it. I was afraid to look like that guy who tried to do it and failed. So I went about my business, being loud and noticed, but in a different (albeit more idiotic) way. Plus, I spoke at this one seminar and even though I think I did pretty good, I didn’t like the nervous feeling. It actually wasn’t as fun as I thought it would be. But I did feel self important, which was cool I guess.

I’m seeing a lot of SEOs, especially a lot of new kids on the block, getting out there and getting known. I remember that feeling. But now, I’m at a different stage in my career. I’m no longer afraid to talk about my secret crush on the idea of speaking at conferences, because I actually don’t really care for the idea anymore. I’ll just leave that to the people who are already pretty darn good at it. My focus is a little different now.

My girlfriend feeds my ego. My job makes me money. I don’t need chicks anymore; I have the one I want. My ego is big enough already, and I don’t need free drinks. In fact, I’d be glad to buy one for you!

And for the record, let me be 100% clear about my intentions here… I JUST WANT TO PWN MY MARKETS.

Damn it feels good to be a self actualized web marketing gangsta! (and feel free to speak about this post at your next gig eh?)

Perfect SEO – Rick Astley + Your Logo Doing Karaoke!

While perusing some of the premium content over at SEOmoz for some new nuggets, I found the answer. The magic bullet. The ONE thing I need on my blog to harness the sheer link power of the internet.

And this was the result:

Rick Astley Doing Karaoke with NextStudent

Now, I just sit back and wait for the ranks to ROLL right in! Thanks Mozzers!!

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Relevence is KEY, Even Off-Page!

You know the importance of themes, relevant content, and relevant website links. But do you understand the value of staying relevant offline, or even what that means?

Ask yourself this question: Are YOU really relevant?

Does your website properly reflect who YOU are, who your company IS? If the answer is no, you might be trying to rank for the wrong phrase. You might not be transparent. You might be faking it, and it’s only a matter of time before everybody, including Google, figures that out.

Google knows who I am. Lately, I haven’t been the crazy guy at conferences that many of you have come to know me as, because now I am a corporate SEO. I was relevant to conference junkie SEO types, with loud stunts and what not. Now I don’t even make the list, where less than a year ago I was a shoe in.

Why do YOU think that is? Is it because I don’t blog like I used to? Is it because I am no longer whoring all the blogs and forums? Is it because I am underground, or maybe even the exact opposite of that? Sold out?

The answer is simple. Lately my focus has been on my business, my corporate SEO gig, and my family. This is where I am relevant now. I rank for phrases that ARE relevant for me, and for my business. I’m not going to rank for SEO Blogger, SEO Blog, Captain Thundercock (yet) because I am currently more focused, thus relevant, in different areas.

The new key is transparency. 5 years ago links could be programmed or harvested rather easily, today you have to be who and what you are talking about. It’s easier that way anyways.

Don’t chase a false dream. You don’t wanna be that guy. Be the guy who IS what you SAY you are, even off-page, and the rest will be easier.

Corporate Web Design Project- SOOOO 2.0!

For y’all who didn’t know, NextStudent is having a web design contest worth $2,000 for the winner. I was thinking… (which hurt a little but I digress) this project is actually pretty web 2.0-ish. Think about it… Here’s some neat buzzwords and how the relate to NextStudent’s current web design project:

  • U.G.C. – User Generated Content: Dude, the DESIGN for our company’s new makeover will be generated by the PEOPLE! That’s soooo social!
  • Social Voting: The PUBLIC can VOTE on the design they want to see as the new face of NextStudent
  • Blog: The NextStudent Redesign Contest Website is actually “just another wordpress weblog!” (that’s a play on words for the default blog description in WP, in case ya didn’t know)
  • S.M.O. – Social Media Optimization: The winner of the contest with get a link on NextStudent.com, but more importantly all accepted design submissions can get a link on the design site itself and on my blog and a few other mentions. Blog links are sooo what S.M.O. is about!
  • Networking: Everybody who participates is AUTOMATICALLY my best friend. Unless you hate me in which case you don’t have to actually be my friend. Ok that aint much of a prize but who cares I wanted to put it in there.
  • Money: Ok not exactly 2.0, money is pretty old school but you can still make a bunch of it ($2,000) if you win the contest!
  • Awesome: Hell yeah it is. And you ah too.

So hey do me a favor eh, tell some people about this contest. Especially if you think they’ll participate OR talk about it (especailly if they talk about it on their blogs and stuff, that’s always awesome)


St. Patrick’s Day – S.E.S. New York Style!

The only thing that could possibly be more Irish for the SEM community is moving the SES to Boston… check that, I guess you could have it in IRELAND, but I digress…

NEW YORK FUCKIN’ CITY! S.E.S. Pub Crawl! St. Patrick’s Day!! I don’t know what YOUR plans are, but if you’re a REAL web marketer, you’re probably a party animal like the rest of us. If you’re a REAL party animal, you probably like pubs and pub crawls. If you REALLY like pubs or pub crawls, you’re probably Irish (and even if you aren’t you still pretend you are on St. Patty’s Day).

Here’s the deal, there is a prefect intersection of BAD ASS happening this Monday, in New York Fuckin’ City. I don’t know what YOUR plans are yet but drop them cuz the real bad asses in our industry will be doing ONE THING ONLY. And that’s whoopin’ it up, drinking green beer and Guinness (or Irish Whiskey if you’re extremely bad ass), and talking about how awesome Chris Hooley is during the S.E.S. Pub Crawl!

More details to come, but be ready mofos!

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NextStudent’s Web Marketing Team

Web Marketing at NextStudent. For those who don’t already know, I am Chris Hooley, Corporate SEO, and the guy who runs the NextStudent Web Marketing Department. Just thought I’d get that part out of the way so this post didn’t seem so random…

It’s been a crazy year in Student Loan Land, with the big banks and federal government putting the shake down on student lenders (at the expense of students, and much to the chagrin of financial aid officers). Kids are going to have a tough time finding money to pay for school this upcoming semester because of the perfect storm of bad legislation, tough credit markets, and a virtually lifeless capital market. Big banks are looking at this as a boon, a perfect opportunity to swallow up market share. So they are spending MORE despite the fact that the loans are losing them lots of money right now. I’m even watching them trying to work their SEO, and (cough! choke) get social.

Imagine that, fighting off the big banks with deep pockets every day… Feels like Rocky vs. the steroid guy from Russia.

Well fortunately for NextStudent (and all borrowers who find out how great we are!) the Web Marketing Team is holding it down. We’re the big guys around here on the interwebs! We’ve been training like Sly Stallone and we’ll never give up! Get off my Google B of A. Keep up the Chase, Wells F. The web is My Citi!

Ok enough of the bad plays on words. It’s Saturday Night, I should save the bad jokes for my attempt at getting social (aka going to Santisi Bros. with some buddies).

The deal is, the webmarketing team at NextStudent is a powerhouse. We’re more than strong at all of our core competencies, we’re a collective ROCKY. You might be able to get some licks in, but we never give up and we are always on the top. The people I work with are some of the slickest, smartest, and most motivated people I’ve ever met. All aspects of our web marketing repertoire are handled by the best and the brightest. We’re corporate, we’re out there, and we’re helping define the edge that bigger guys can hardly even fathom. Good luck monetary monoliths. BRING IT ON!!!

Rocky – OUT!

Frikkin Yahoo! I Just Want My flickr and MyBlogLog Accounts Back!

Yahoo! – “chasing Google and frustrating users since 1998” (TM)

I bought a premier flickr account and I haven’t been able to log in for MONTHS. Why? Because they switched log in systems, and nobody inside flickr is responding to my desperate pleas for help. I paid good money for my premier account, and I can’t even manage MY OWN PHOTOS. Photos that rank well in search engines for MY OWN NAME. I am helpless to remove some personal pictures that I no longer really want up there… photos that I paid to manage on their site.

You might ask “Chris, why did you take so long to blog about this? The most recent pictures are like 6 months old!” – You’re right. I forgot all about how mad I was about flickr until I decided to log into MyBlogLog account, which again prompted me to use a new log in that I don’t even have. Now I can’t get in there either.

Now I’m frustrated as hell trying to create a new Yahoo! ID, but my name is already taken (likely by some spam bot since there are only a handful of Chris Hooleys in the world). And once I settle on a user name that I don’t even want, I have no idea how to get those linked to my flickr and MyBlogLog accounts. It’s just stupid. And typical.

Hopefully somebody from Yahoo! reads this post and can get me some kind of help… but I doubt it.

In the meantime, my iGoogle, GMail, Adwords, Adsense, Optimizer, and bazillion other Google gadgets I am using are still working flawlessly. An I have Googlers calling me pretty frequently (even got a Googler visit coming soon) to make sure everything is still working. Just thought I’d throw that out there…

Affiliate Summit and Elite Retreat

I’ve never actually been to Affiliate Summit.  I’ve had a few people offer discounts to get into the event (I can’t for the life of me recall who was offering me passes, if you still exist HIT ME UP!)  I’m still teetering on the edge here.  Should I go?  Should I bring my affiliate peeps?

As for the Elite Retreat, people already know I am a HUGE advocate of this event.   If you are thinking of going and you need some info about it, feel free to contact me directly.  I’ll gladly explain why I am such a huge fan and what it has done for me personally.   If you are defintely going and you haven’t bought your tickets yet, hook a brother up and buy it through my affiliate link so I can make a few bucks!

The FASTEST Way to Lose Momentum on Your Blog

Tired of all those pesky readers on your blog?  Sick of all that annoying traffic?  Had enough of building a community, getting links, or comments on your blog posts?  Well I have a revolutionary solution!  It’s simple, easy, and FAST!  It’s a secret I’ve utilized on several occasions; EVERY time it resulted in a drop in traffic, subscribers, readers and all those other problems that come with owning a popular blog.

The secret?  *looks both ways* sshhhhhh…. (it’s easy, just stop writing for a while).  60% of the time it works EVERY time!

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All In One SEO Pack Plugin for WordPress

Absolutely rocks.  I’ve never put much effort into trying to get links to this site or rank it for anything, so my template was not SEO friendly.  I just got sick of seeing bad title tags on my site but didn’t want to spend any time or effort editing PHP so I did a lil research and and found the answer.

The All In One SEO Pack is the bomb.  SEO suggestion for the day: use it and love it. (if you don’t already)

That’s all I gotta say about that.

Are you WITH Me or AGAINST Me? The Terrel Owens Factor

I like to think of Corporate America like it’s professional sports. Marketing, Sales, Operations, Finance, and IT superstars are no different than professional athletes with year round free agency. Some demand a high salary, some are lunch pale hard workers who roll up their sleeves, some are loud and brash and can make or break any company depending on their mood.

Like Terrel Owens.

T.O. is one of the best receivers ever in the history of the NFL, but his constant demand for the spotlight and bad attitude when he’s losing was like a cancer to prior teams. He moves to another team that allows him to be himself and enables him to work the way he wants, and next thing you know he’s the role model in the locker room and he’s doing everything he can to help his team win. He’s a player that needs an organization to bend a little to make room for his ego, and rewards that organization if they do.

On the other hand you have an organization with strong and strict leadership that does not bend; the New England Patriots. They would NEVER hire T.O. because HE won’t bend to their will. But their system can make known malcontents (Randy Moss, Cory Dillon) successful and happy players who conform and become part of the team. And they win. Big time.

Corporate America is no different. Some organizations have such strong leadership, and such great vision, that employees work twice as hard to keep up the winning tradition. The scary thing is however, that some employees are so good at what they do that they can single handedly change a corporation and it’s future. And sometimes, there are employees who are cancer. It’s scary when you have a sueprstar like Terrel Owens who can propel your team to the highest highs, or crumble the foundation of the organization.

The question is how to handle something like that? Do you pamper him like Dallas (seems to be working, right?) or do you fire him and look for people who can conform? And think, do you want to face that guy on the field if you do let him go?

There’s some thinkbait for you execs and CEOs who have stars in your corporation. Is your team strong enough to do without your star? Can you afford to pamper your execs who deliver on a consistent basis? Is it even worth it? Do the rules change when somebody is that important? Is ANYBODY that important?

Guess Who’s Blogging Again!


I’ve spent too long minoring in the majors and majoring in the minors. I gotta get back to what got me where I am at today. For those who have forgotten who I am, I’m Chris Hooley. The Fonzie of SEO. I work for the best Student Loan Company on the web. I am a father, a son, a sumo wrestler, and an interpretive dancer / figure skater.  I will be your guide to pimping the web and pwning corporate America.  Stay tuned kiddies, I’m back with a vengeance!!

Playing to Your Strengths

“You know Tiger… you’re pretty good at Golf, but you suck at swimming. You need to practice swimming. You’re already good at golf anyways.”

-stupid person talking to Tiger Woods.

In SEO, business, and life in general, there are two ways of thinking about strengths versus weaknesses. One train of thought says to work on your weak points, the other is to work on the strengths. Both have valid logic behind them, but this chicken / egg controversy can have crippling effects on your plans if you aren’t careful.

I’m saying today, right here right now, that there is ONLY one way to look at this. Play to your strengths.

Let’s apply this to the world of SEO as an example.

On one hand we have a programmer; keen at logic and finding loopholes. You should be the person writing the bots, developing the dynamic content systems, analyzing the metrics, etc. You shouldn’t be writing that linkbait article or trying to force yourself to be to social butterfly online.

On the other hand; we have a writer or communicator. You should be the one creating social pieces, making buddies and networking, and using your programmer’s scripts to publish and push this content. You shouldn’t need to develop the scripts yourself.

Just think if famous football coach Bill Belicheck thought to manage his team by playing to his weaknesses. “I know Tom Brady can throw, but he sucks at tackling. He will be practicing at noseguard this week. Vince sucks at throwing, so he will be working with the quarterback coach.”


So what’s different about business? The answer is nothing. You are wasting your time if you are trying to spend all day trying to make everybody understand all aspects of your business. That’s your job when you are the boss. Your management team might need to work on their weaknesses, since they are working with your future superstars, but don’t distract your superstars from shining in THEIR jobs by giving them the same distractions! FOCUS!

Point black you play to your strengths and hire for your weaknesses. Let the strongest people work their magic. Let positions build themselves out of your people’s talent. Don’t waste everybody’s time by distracting those who are strong in certain areas.

Guess What I’m Gonna Do! I’m Gonna SPAM Digg… BAD!

They have it coming. I have been a good user / member for years. Never did anything I wasn’t supposed to, contributed to conversations, dugg stuff I liked, rarely submitted a thing, almost never dugg stuff down, and they banned me anyways.

My attempts at getting my account back have been ignored. Because they decided to screw with me, I have decided I don’t need my old account. I don’t even want it. Instead, I will be letting my new bots submit the crappiest content ever. I think we are due for a little auto register bot as well to help automate this crap submission. I’m even writing a bot to auto bury which will have targeting capabilities.

Digg, there was no good reason for you guys to ban me, I did nothing wrong. Now you got it coming. Mess with the bull, you get the horns.

Jeff Dempsey: The Man, the Myth, the Mustache

Jeff Dempsey is a man of many talents. Farting, creating half ass partially SEO friendly blogs, updating web pages, whining, all kinds of stuff. Most of you know him from his first blog, I am Better than U. Some of you know him as the guy who got all my buddies to change their blog links to my site to his (the now defunct ChrisHooleySecrets.com). Others may even know him from our controversy, the one where I made it known that I own his soul.

Now, you will begin to know him as the man who saves mens’ testicles by growing a mustache and encouraging other men to do the same. The Great Stache Off has begun, and the response has been overwhelming. Jeff has had to turn away more than half of the contestants due to the workload it has caused. This my friends, is a very good thing.

Jeff has been hard at work trying to re-rank his newer, boss mandated blog for my name. To alleviate some of his workload so he can focus on the Stache Off, I have decided to give him a little help here. He just needs a handful of strong blog links to Chris Hooley Owns Jeff Dempsey to grab that top spot and get this thing over-with. That’s right, I am actually encouraging people to link to Jeff’s blog with the anchor text “Chris Hooley” so he can outrank me. Let’s just say it’s my contribution to his charity event.

The Great Stache Off is also accepting sponsorships for those who missed the shave date and would like to contribute. Sponshorship comes with a free clean link, which could end up a pretty good value. The contest has had some pretty cool coverage already, pulling in some link pop from some pretty bad ass blogs and authority websites. You can save people’s balls and funnel some link pop into your site at the same time just by donating a bit to the cause.

So there you have it. Save balls, link to Jeff’s site, get links, and have some fun. Aint blogging for balls great?

Banned by Digg? What the Hell!

I haven’t logged into Digg for a few weeks, so I thought I would see what the YTMs are buzzing about these days. Saw a story I liked, clicked the digg button, it prompted for log in, then boom. There it is. A big ugly red error mesage saying my user account has been disabled due to misuse.

Now I am not by any means a big digger. I don’t really respond to those group digg requests that SEOs are now infamous for (don’t have the time, and sometimes don’t have the interest) . I occasionally digg up a story I like, and I never submit stories. I use it very sparingly, as an actual user. Not an SEO.

So why the Hell am I banned from using Digg? Is it because I talk about search optimization on my blog? Is it because I digg stories from other SEOs friends when I see them? Is it a glitch?

I have no idea. I sent a message to support@digg.com and got no response.

So this got me thinking… and you know what I came up with? F*#% Digg. F*#% iPhone stories. F*#% ubuntu. F*#% Kevin Rose. F*#% Democrats, Republicans, Green Party Ists, Separatists, Leftists, Rightists, Centerists, Photoshop crap, Ajax, and whatever else these punk kids deem worthy.

Digg has roughly 60% of the traffic it generated in December 2006 for a reason. Maybe it has something to do with the fact they ban people for who they are. I am an SEO, not a spammer. I’ve never spammed Digg or misused my account. I am now an internet user who USED TO use digg to find stories I might like.


Ladies, ladies, ladies (and gay dudes) I know you where disappointed that I found a hot babe and can no longer be auctioned off. BUT I have some great news… WIN A DATE WITH AN SEO IS BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER!!!

The SEO who most resembles k-Fed:

has agreed to take my place and deliver an amazing night to the lucky winner. He’s single, he’s hot, he’s Rockyfied, his douche factor is even LOWER THAN MINE.

This is not a joke, Joe really agreed to do the contest. Really. I bet you were wishing it was Cameron or Guillaume.

And as an added bonus, I have decided to be the main camera man to capture the antics!

Oh man this is gonna be good!!! Comment with all your questions, concerns, ideas, and just to show JOE some love. Because who knows, you might just be the lucky guy girl who wins a date with this handsome SEO cowboy!

Birthday Linkfest 2007: WAY Overdue!

I remember back in the days when I was a blogger.  I used to write stuff.  People used to link here.  Chicks used to dig me.

Well I’m back with about 40 links that are way overdue (I’m not a liar, just BUSY).  For those of you who wished me a Happy Birthday on my 30th, here’s your love, right back atcha.  Sorry my much anticipated (and by much anticipated I mean not at all anticipated) overdue post is just a thank you, but at least I got off on my ass again and wrote SOMETHING eh?

Let the love flow baby.

Snoop Blog, my main SEO pimp mofo, as usual first to respond.  Thanks for the multiple beer bongs (he actually built them), guitar hero, and the mofuggin LUNCH BOXES!

Ump, proud to have you on board, now get your blog up already.

Jeff Dempsey, Jeff Dempsey, your blogs pwn all others.

Carolyn, next time you and Dave are gonna hit Vegas for reals with the Hool and the Rule!

PPC Guy, even if we’re #2 you’re still tops in my book

Markus, one day we will launch 12inchblackrubberdildobait.com and we’ll make literally hundreds

Jihan, it aint a party till your KrazyKorean ass shows up, thanks for being part of pretty much every birthday party I’ve had since I landed in AZ and for pitching in on at least 6 of my worst 7 presents ever.  The neoprene shorts are still getting a lot of mileage

Chris, you’ve been a bad ass since the Devry days.

Joe, shame your daughter’s poops prevented you from making it to the jam.  You were literally a quarter mile away

Jess, you money maker mover and shaker, keep pimpin it

Rhona, I miss you.  But that doesn’t stop me from eating horses

Tamar, maybe you can digg this?  Just kidding it’s a boring post :-p

Dan, I don’t know which site you are pimpin these days but I’ll be sure to visit you in SD if you don’t mind the fact I aint single no more and can hardly even wingman properly now

Aaron, your blog rocks… I have no idea how I ended up on your superstar list but I sure do appreciate it!

Joachim, nice quote.  Keep pimpin wiki bad ass style mang

Cameron, your Burt Reynolds style inspired a mustache contest at my office.  Bravo sir

Nathania, we’re old.  But at least YOU’RE still nice!

CHRIS!  SES San Jose we’re gettin beers.  And drinkin them.  Congrats on being your own boss!

Dan, “YO” will never be old.  nice adsense.

Prat, not sure we met but you did in fact wish my a happy birthday which did in fact earn you a link.  Enjoy!

David Wallace, my original SEO sensei!  Dude, those beers where AMAZING!  Piraat Ale and Nefarious Ten Pin were TOP NOTCH!  Thanks for making it to the b-day party and tell your beautiful wide I said hello!

Jason Murphy Man was I glad to finally roll witcha!  Looking forward to the next time

Chris, my pubcon buddy circa 2006, we got mo’ in sto’ for 07!

Pete Wailes, you  sir are a bad ass mofo, looking forward to your new site!

Andrea, I miss the shizzle out of you!  Conferences don’t happen often enough, I might have to rig a once partially awesome contest idea to get your ass out here to PHX!

Jon, much respect to you even if you ARE a yanks fan.  At least YOU don’t suck.

Joe Whyte, you are a legend in my office.  My life will never be the same now that I have the lunch box

Rach, you deserve all the happiness our family affords you.  I aspire to be as good a parent as you and Jeff are to my amazing nephews.

Rae the only thing hotter than your tought round buttocks is your skill in the marketplace.  Amazing

SEO Fan Girl, one day I may bless the pages of your blog.  On that day I will know it is ok to follow the light, for I will have achieved one of my main life goals.

Josh, we been down for years in the Arizona SEO shit.   Keep up the good work homez

Brendon, I don’t know you but you pimped the system, which I respect fully

Savage!  Glad to hear there’s some web money flowing into the Merrimac Valley brah!

Brook, it’s hard to link out to that one cuz you guys are right there in my vertical, but a deal’s a deal.  Now get my favorite site a few links from some of yours and we’ll all be happy ;-)

Johnny, you worked that system baby.  Send me a fish tank :-p

Lucas, worked it too

David, happy to see you’re jumping in to make some loot online!  Keep pimpin homie you’re gonna be big time!

And that’s it.  Maybe my next blog post will be part 2 of my Hooley Party Train?

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