Tag: Rae-Hoffman

The Ultimate SEO Marriage – I’ll Do the Honors

Imagine a marriage between cShel and Daver.  High atop the Sears Tower, the place is packed with friends, family, and SEO Superstars.  They are broadcasting live on uStream and hundreds of people are watching online.  Lisa Barone is live blogging the event, with SugarRae smacking her in the back of the head for not using the <more> tag.

Dave’s looking sharper than ever; standing at the alter in his tux, plams sweating, so focused on whats about to happen that he’s not even checking his iPhone for Twitter updates.  Carolyn walks in the room, looking absolutely ravishing.  Heads turn, and twitpic lights up with mobile uploads of our SEO darling in the most beautiful wedding dress Adsense ever bought.

SEO Wedding Couple

All of the sudden, “Here Comes the Bride” is scratched to a halt and Europe’s “The Final Countdown” starts blasting over the speakers.  Strobe lights, fog, lights camera action.  Chris Hooley is elevated from a platform below the stage, pounding a beer bong like it’s spring break. “KISS THAT BRIDE MANG SO WE CAN GET THIS PARTY STARTEEEEEED!”

Chris Hooley the Dudeist Priest

Dave busts out a rock the size of a softball (paid for by his newly launched pyramid affiliate scheme), pops it on Carolyn’s dainty finger, and Hooley screams “I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU SEO MAN AND SEO WIFE (#2)”.

This Could Happen, Really.

I can legally perform a marriage for any of you SEO rockstars, and turn your special day into a virtual circus.  For a small fee, or some kick ass links to some of my most prized web properties, THE Chris Hooley can do YOUR honors.  Because I’m now an ordained priest.

I’m a Dudeist Priest.

If you’re interested in hiring me to get the deed done, I take PayPal, money orders, Google Checkout, or XLS sheets filled with hot link locations.  I also do birthdays, bar mitzvahs, and I’m a notary public.

If you wanna learn more about how to become a dudeist priest yourself, I’m selling an ebook with convoluted instructions so I can make it seem more complicated than it really is and charge a fee for it, even though it’s free at this site over here.  So give me money and let’s turn your wedding into a real party!


Pick MEME! I trust you will.

Ok- ‘nother meme, but this one seems bit more interesting. It’s about the trust. Greg Niland kicked off what seems to be a good one this time.

Here’s the tree so far…

Greg Niland
trusts
Rae Hoffman
trusts
Michael Gray
trusts
Todd Malicoat
trusts
Andy Hagans
trusts
Cameron Olthuis
trusts
Jarrod Hunt
trusts
Chris Hooley (me!)
trusts
The SEOmoz peeps I still trust them, but they can’t keep the meme going.  I also trust Andrew Wee!
trusts
?????????

Who wouldn’t trust a team that blatantly publishes their financials, doesn’t even take a referral fee, refuses hand outs of any kind, and honestly works their butts off to help an entire community of SEO junkies? SEOMoz rocks.

I might need to arm wrestle Rand and / or Rebecca to keep this going.

Thanks for the tag Jarrod! I also trust your link brokerage!


The SEO / Affiliate Marketer Code of Ethics

SEOs and affiliate marketers are basically all competing for the same thing(s). With that said, I bring you the official SEO / Affiliate Marketer Code of Ethics.

  • Take the money, let somebody else take the credit (unless you make a living speaking or writing books, in which case do the opposite)
  • Your friend’s niche is like their ex and should be treated the same way. If you know about it, you can only get involved with his permission first, and you can’t ask for permission either.  You are, however, allowed to eye the niche up with longing and think about how great it would be if it was yours
  • If you are blackhatting, you can’t blow the whistle on other blackhatters. Only white hats who are 100% spam free are allowed to submit SERP spam reports (which means I will be reporting ALL your silly websites in the morning)
  • Don’t submit a SERP spam report unless the site you are reporting is either doing something A) illegal B) malicious, or C) if the site sucks so bad it is impossible not to try and get the person who created it banned and cut off from their income flow
  • Getting a site banned is like burning down a building. There are very few times when it is OK.
  • You can blog about your own new techniques / exploits, but cannot blog about other people’s unless it is already public knowledge or unless you have permission
  • If you found an exploit, no matter how much I want to read your blog on it… Keep it to yourself, milk it, then right when it starts getting noticed THAT’s when you claim it
  • Ideas are also like ex-girlfriends. You can’t steal an idea from a friend, but it is OK to work an “idea” if you don’t know her “ex-boyfriend”

Props to Sugarrae for helping me to focus this a bit.  We both may add a point or two after the fact.  Do you have any other “rules of engagement” or “laws of honor” for our industry that are missing?


Some Links Just HAVE TO HAPPEN.

There has been a lot of public link whoring link worthy stuff this week. I would be amiss if did not do something about this. With no further ado, here is the shizzle bizzles.

If I forgot anything awesome or funny or bait worthy, make sure to point it out in the comments. I’ll probably do something about it!


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