Chris Hooley’s -ThinkBait-

I must admit, I’m a bit nostalgic about the says when the internet was a little underground. I got joke emails and actually WANTED to receive them. Only a select few in my circle saw all the same viral stuff I did. It felt kind of exclusive.

But on the other hand, it is amazing to see this same creativity at the forefront of pop culture. Watching the web grow into what it has become was something only my generation witnessed. We watched history being made daily, and we still are watching. The web is still in it’s infancy, but it’s already now as mainstream as it gets.

Insert Weezer. Their new video is a compilation of viral video stars, which has literally changed my opinion of them as a band. I never disliked them, but I was never a big Weezer guy. Now, from one stinkin’ video, they have converted me into a huge fan. Those of you who are as web geeeky as I am will absolutely love this video. And without further ado, and a few weeks behind the curve, I present to you my new favorite video of all time. Weezer’s Pork and Beans. Enjoy!

Wow, my fragile male ego took a double hit. A contest for the best looking SEO dude is the reason for my newfound insecurity. Either I got hit pretty hard with the Ugly Stick, or people forgot about me. I’m not sure which is worse, feeling ugly, or feeling like a nobody.

Oh well, at least my beautiful girlfriend still thinks I am the best looking man in SEO!

* Phrase stolen from Snoop Bloggy Blog’s Plurk Page.

Ok, I know I was just posting some BS about Twitter, and how you all need to follow me there.  But today the flavor of the day is PLURK.   It’s another micro-blogging social media platform, like Twitter and Pownce.  But this one is SIIICK.  So far no slow down (we’ll see how long that lasts) and the features are cool.  Super crazy ajaxy coolness.

Everybody, I changed my mind.  Follow me on PLURK instead.   Or at least until I change my mind again.  Or at least try it out for a bit to see if you like it, since there’s too much to explain about it and my attention span is shortening by the sec…

If you’re like me (a completely A.D.D. web geek) your attention span is probably really shor..

So short I couldn’t even finish writing that sentence…

So let’s get to the point then.  Come follow me on Twitter.  Micro-blogging.  Fast.   Click here and win fabulous prizes!

According to my last check on Wikipedia, fundamentalism is a “deep and totalistic commitment” to a belief… usually of religious or moral nature. But what I have seen in the SEO community far too often is a “holier than thou” thumping of the general SEO population, that is by nature, narrow.

Now don’t get me wrong, I have morals. I stick to my personal set of ethics, both in my personal and professional life. They might not be the same as your values, but that doesn’t mean they are wrong.

Last week I stumbled (social) on a very entertaining story (bait). So entertaining in fact, I thought I would share it with some friends (viral) not realizing it was written by an well known SEO (bad ass). The story was about a 13 year old who stole a credit card to play halo with hookers. Who doesn’t want to read about that? It’s HILARIOUS! So hilarious in fact, it ended up getting mainstream media coverage from the likes of Fox News and such.

The story did not claim it was actual news, or even true for that matter. It was an entertaining anecdote, and people ate it up. Except for a whole bunch of SEOs who reacted harshly to it. Reading the sphinn comments on the story really started to test my patience. It felt like I was hanging out with my neighbors who always try to save me and take me to their church… which I am not a fan of BTW if you are reading this Eric.

Sentiments like “Social Media is ruined forever” and “SEO sunk to a new low” are preachy, at best. Jill Whalen, you and me go way back from my days at HighRankings, and the last thing I want is for you to feel offended here… but I don’t want to go to the SEO Church of Link Morality or subscribe to somebody else’s code of ethics. Establish your own, that’s fine and respectable. Just don’t thump us with them. We can all decide own how we choose to operate.

There is no black and white. Everything is shades of gray. We all must way the risks and rewards for our own actions, and think laterally. Sure, there are times I do wish others would up their own set of personal or professional ethics, but I’m not going to be the one preaching it to them. I’ll do what I do, you do what you do. Just don’t tell me what to do and we’ll be cool. Cool?

You know the importance of themes, relevant content, and relevant website links. But do you understand the value of staying relevant offline, or even what that means?

Ask yourself this question: Are YOU really relevant?

Does your website properly reflect who YOU are, who your company IS? If the answer is no, you might be trying to rank for the wrong phrase. You might not be transparent. You might be faking it, and it’s only a matter of time before everybody, including Google, figures that out.

Google knows who I am. Lately, I haven’t been the crazy guy at conferences that many of you have come to know me as, because now I am a corporate SEO. I was relevant to conference junkie SEO types, with loud stunts and what not. Now I don’t even make the list, where less than a year ago I was a shoe in.

Why do YOU think that is? Is it because I don’t blog like I used to? Is it because I am no longer whoring all the blogs and forums? Is it because I am underground, or maybe even the exact opposite of that? Sold out?

The answer is simple. Lately my focus has been on my business, my corporate SEO gig, and my family. This is where I am relevant now. I rank for phrases that ARE relevant for me, and for my business. I’m not going to rank for SEO Blogger, SEO Blog, Captain Thundercock (yet) because I am currently more focused, thus relevant, in different areas.

The new key is transparency. 5 years ago links could be programmed or harvested rather easily, today you have to be who and what you are talking about. It’s easier that way anyways.

Don’t chase a false dream. You don’t wanna be that guy. Be the guy who IS what you SAY you are, even off-page, and the rest will be easier.

The only thing that could possibly be more Irish for the SEM community is moving the SES to Boston… check that, I guess you could have it in IRELAND, but I digress…

NEW YORK FUCKIN’ CITY! S.E.S. Pub Crawl! St. Patrick’s Day!! I don’t know what YOUR plans are, but if you’re a REAL web marketer, you’re probably a party animal like the rest of us. If you’re a REAL party animal, you probably like pubs and pub crawls. If you REALLY like pubs or pub crawls, you’re probably Irish (and even if you aren’t you still pretend you are on St. Patty’s Day).

Here’s the deal, there is a prefect intersection of BAD ASS happening this Monday, in New York Fuckin’ City. I don’t know what YOUR plans are yet but drop them cuz the real bad asses in our industry will be doing ONE THING ONLY. And that’s whoopin’ it up, drinking green beer and Guinness (or Irish Whiskey if you’re extremely bad ass), and talking about how awesome Chris Hooley is during the S.E.S. Pub Crawl!

More details to come, but be ready mofos!

Being a single dad means wearing a lot of hats. Dad, mom, chef, doctor, teacher, coach, and sometimes when I am lucky, activity coordinator. Being in charge of the activities means I don’t have to play house, have a tea party, or pretend I am a Disney prince… all activities that I grin and bear with a smile, none of which I am particularly fond of (especially being the Prince, I keep telling her if she’s the Princess, I am the KING!)

After a while, I’ve started to figure out some ways to spend time with my kiddo while maintaining some semblance of manliness AND getting some exercise at the same time. It helps that she’s almost 5 now and is able to partake in more vigorous activities but I digress. Here are 7 great active ideas for Dad’s with little girls who like me, don’t have enough time to both play with the kiddo and get in their daily exercise!

1) Weight Lifting - Daddy Style

Daddy Style weightlifting means your weights are… your kid! It’s free, requires no travel, and it can be done right on your living room floor. My daughter loves to be bench pressed, curled, lifted, leg lifted, etc. We also take turns with sets. She tries bench pressing my arm or leg, and tests her strength. It’s a great way to teach your daughter how to exercise, and to motivate her to try harder or challenge herself. The only problem I’ve encountered in getting a real workout here is that she’s only 45 pounds. I can’t exactly mass build when benching a toddler.

2) Pretend Wrestling

This one is the easiest; and again this one’s free! Kids love to be “roughed up” as long as you aren’t actually rough at all. It’s also the perfect time to teach appropriate boundaries. We have tons of fun pretending we are boxers or professional wrestlers while we pretend to punch, block, kick, or grapple in ways that don’t hurt your “opponent”. I’ll often lift her up over my head pretending I tossed her out of the ring, while slowly lowering her to the ground and pretend shouting “nooooooo!” Gives me a little of that healthy muscle burn, and give her a laugh from being suspended in mid air.

3) Karaoke Dance Parties

This activity isn’t exactly free since it requires music… and for my reputation’s sake this can only be done if the blinds are closed. But this is one of my guilty pleasure and secretly one of my favorites.

I have a playlist on my iPod that has a ton of 80s music (with no swears of course!) sprinkled in with some Hannah Montana and a few No Doubt songs for good measure. We crank up the iPod dock and use one of her brushes as a microphone and we pretend to do concerts for her dolls, or we’ll even make up silly dance routines. I use this opportunity to dance like a maniac, bordering physical comedy. She laughs like a maniac, bordering asthma attacks.  However if the general population ever saw this, there would be a lot more crying than laughing… either from me, or those watching it.

4) Playing the Wii

This might be the manliest activity on my list. What guy doesn’t like video games? Especially ones their 4-5 year old daughter likes too! When we play Wii bowling, to increase the healthy factor, we pretend to run down the isle just like real bowling and we even jump when we release the ball. It doesn’t help my accuracy much, but at least we’re getting active and having some fun.

5) Going Out “Discovering”

The outdoors can be fantastical to a child-if they have the right guide. We’ll walk down the street and I’ll help her climb random objects pretending they are something from out of this world. Sometimes we’ll find a trail and climb hills, large rocks, or small mountains and pretend we’re discovering new lands.  Sometimes I’ll even let her load up her wagon with dolls and we went for a walk around the block pretending we were tour guides.

6) Target Jumping

This one is a real hit with the kids.  All you gotta do is set “targets” around the house or outside.  I often use my finger against a wall or a washable marker.  Set your targets at various heights just near the top of your daughter’s max jumping height.  Give her a route around the house, and she must touch or slap each target.  If the target is too high, lower it a bit.  Too low?  Add another higher one.  Use your watch like a stop watch and time her like it’s an obstacle course (I often make up times and keep yelling “GO GO GO! You’re Gonna Break the Record!”.  20 minutes of this and she’ll be napping in no time!

There are a bunch of variations in this game, where you can follow her around the “course” and hit your own targets, or if your daughter has friends over you can line them all up and use your finger against the wall and adjust for each of their jumping abilities.   If you’re tired, just lean against the wall and set various targets with your hand or finger.  If you wanna rev up, get outside and make it challenging for both of you.  You’d be surprised at how much fun your little one will have with this one.

7) Tasting Parties

A tasting party is when you choose a couple of new foods (we usually do exotic fruits) and see what they taste like.  I usually take my daughter to the grocery store so we can look at different fruits and vegetables to figure out which we would like to try that day.  Then we take them home, wash them together, and prepare them to be served (I usually handle anything that has to do with a knife!)  Then we set our plates, and take turns tasting things and explaining what they taste like.  This is a perfect way to refuel after some exhausting play time AND to replace junk food snacks with healthier alternatives.

8) BONUS ACTIVITY: Take a nap!

Because both you and your kid are probably worn out now!

If anybody else knows of any other healthy activities for Dads and Daughters, comment here and let me know what YOU do.  I’m always looking for new ways to bond with my kid and keep that Daddy Belly in check!  Plus, this could be a good resource for people who started like me, having NO IDEA how to raise a little girl.  Single dads (like me) especially could probably use a little guidance sometimes.

Chris Hooley Talks Chris Hooley, SEO, and Awesomeness in General

That.  Just. Happened.

I have so much to say about my experience but the pain is too strong to write it all right now. But like every dark cloud, even THE Biggest Disappointment in Sports History had a shining moment for me. I was on TV! Watch the clip and relish my huge fame and instant popularity!

Wow, that movie was terrific eh? Send all movie script roles to me via my contact page!

Anybody need some? I can get them to you at the last minute. I live in AZ. There are very few of these bad boys left on the planet!

(I just magically turned into a ticket broker!!)

I can’t believe it… I’m having daily heart palpitations. I am going to be there when history is made. I am going to the biggest football game ever. Ever. This is the year Tom Brady and the Patriots make history!!

I’ll be in section 406 row 10. Watch for me on TV, I’m gonna do my best to hog the camera for at least one second to cement my immortality too. I’m high up, so the camera won’t likley be buzzing around where I sit, but my HELMET will insure that even if I am on for ONE GLIMPSE that I will be easy to spot.

Go Patriots! This is the biggest event I have ever headed to. I feel like I am going to explode!!

I bet those guys over at Ed Loan Funding (another Student Loan Consolidation Company in S.D.) are NOT partying it up right now.

WAY TO GO PATRIOTS!!!

If you’re a fan of Tom Brady, or funny random blogging, go check out Tom Brady Secrets. HILARIOUS stuff!

FYI- Jeff Dempsey contributed a ton to this blog, which is probably why it is so funny!

I was pretty bragadocious in my last post about how to drop pounds FAST, eh?  Well here’s a follow up a lot of you health nuts will love.  Some may even get to say “Told ya so” but whatev…

So the Atkins diet made me lose 12 pounds in a week.  It also made me lethargic, irritable, and hungry.  My insides didn’t feel right, my immune system was lowered (I missed 2 days of work after getting really sick with what should have been a light cold), and my chest actually hurt inside like I was having heart problems.  All of this in ONE WEEK!

So I quit.  I ate kinda normal, got a little more active, and I gained most of the weight back.  In 2 days.  Now, my net loss is more like 3 pounds.  Not too impressive.

Moral of the story: Don’t do atkins unless you are near the very tail end of your weight loss competition.  It sucks.

My extended family has decided to have BIGGEST LOSER competition. The rules are simple. Each entrant pays 10 dollars to buy in. Every Tuesday we take our weight and send a picture of our scale as proof. After two months, the person who has lost the highest percentage of their body weight wins the pot!

Well it’s been one week. After losing almost 12 pounds, I thought I would outline my strategies for anybody who made the resolution to lose weight for the new years. 12 pounds in a week is a LOT of weight eh? Well here’s how I did it:

1. Hardcore Atkins: follow the diet religiously, NO straying at all
2. Treadmill Daily: at least 20 minutes
3. Cry Every Time You See, Smell, or Even Think of ANY Food that’s Not Bacon

If you don’t mind heart disease, irritability, bad breath, and weird stuff happening with your insides, and you want to lose a lot of weight fast, try this out and see if you can a really big loser too!

I feel like crap…

Has anybody else succeeded with any other crash diets? Any tips or tricks on how to shed pounds fast? More importantly, anybody ever get on one of these diets and learn how NOT to gain all the weight back once they stop?

Me!

I’ve spent too long minoring in the majors and majoring in the minors. I gotta get back to what got me where I am at today. For those who have forgotten who I am, I’m Chris Hooley. The Fonzie of SEO. I work for the best Student Loan Company on the web. I am a father, a son, a sumo wrestler, and an interpretive dancer / figure skater.  I will be your guide to pimping the web and pwning corporate America.  Stay tuned kiddies, I’m back with a vengeance!!

There has to be a better way.  I have dozens domains that I want to create sites out of.  Free templates that I can edit myself.  Access to tons of awesome writers.  But creating the sites takes hours!  Set up hosting, configure, upload files, configure, install database, configure, etc etc etc.  It’s a pain in the arse.  Then once the sites are up, they crash from too much traffic (third host in 6 months, all the same problem)

These sites don’t have enough income potential to spend big dollars hosting them, but if I launch them all and keep my writers pounding out awesome stuff and driving traffic eventually these sites will be worth the effort.  But for now, no upsidedown-ski on hosting costs.

Anybody know a better, more efficient way to pound out lots of real wordpress blogs?  I am not looking for splog software, I just want to build out my sites so I don’t have all my chickens in one basket so to speak.