Tag: Lisa-Barone

Pubcon is Coming!

Are you ready for this?  Pubcon 2009 in Sunny Las Vegas is almost here.  And for the first time ever, I’m taking the podium.  Runnin’ with the big dawgs.  It’s in a few weeks and I still have yet to complete my presentation.

I’m screwed.

But at least my session is the first one, on the first day, so the chances of me nursing a killer hangover and possibly missing my speaking gig will be reduced by AT LEAST 15% – give or take.

If you know me, you know I’ve been a pretty hardcore SEO for about a decade.  And if you know me well, you know that I’ve pretty much transitioned myself into full bore affiliate marketer recently.  I still have a couple cool clients, but it’s no longer my core focus.  At the time when I put in my request to speak at Pubcon,  I was still seeking clients aggressively.  And my strength to date has been corporate SEO.  And that’s what I’ll be speaking about.  How to build and in-house SEO team.

For my ex-competitors, you’ll get the sauce.  Might be worth a look eh?

The rest of the week, I’ll be chasing Lisa Barone around in hopes of getting a kiss on the cheek… or something.  I’ll hopefully be the proud winner of a personal assistant (brought to you by the same guys who inspired and caused DRINKBAIT) to help me build beer bongs and make people take shots.  And I will be buying shots for SURE for those people who supported my efforts in the Anthem Relay for Life.  Some awesome peeps like Jon Kelly, the bad asses saving the world through bioresins and what not over at ThomasNet, and one inspirational Raleigh SEO named Casey Yandle.

So get ready people.  This is gonna be the best year EVER  for PUBCON VEGAS!!


The Ultimate SEO Marriage – I’ll Do the Honors

Imagine a marriage between cShel and Daver.  High atop the Sears Tower, the place is packed with friends, family, and SEO Superstars.  They are broadcasting live on uStream and hundreds of people are watching online.  Lisa Barone is live blogging the event, with SugarRae smacking her in the back of the head for not using the <more> tag.

Dave’s looking sharper than ever; standing at the alter in his tux, plams sweating, so focused on whats about to happen that he’s not even checking his iPhone for Twitter updates.  Carolyn walks in the room, looking absolutely ravishing.  Heads turn, and twitpic lights up with mobile uploads of our SEO darling in the most beautiful wedding dress Adsense ever bought.

SEO Wedding Couple

All of the sudden, “Here Comes the Bride” is scratched to a halt and Europe’s “The Final Countdown” starts blasting over the speakers.  Strobe lights, fog, lights camera action.  Chris Hooley is elevated from a platform below the stage, pounding a beer bong like it’s spring break. “KISS THAT BRIDE MANG SO WE CAN GET THIS PARTY STARTEEEEEED!”

Chris Hooley the Dudeist Priest

Dave busts out a rock the size of a softball (paid for by his newly launched pyramid affiliate scheme), pops it on Carolyn’s dainty finger, and Hooley screams “I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU SEO MAN AND SEO WIFE (#2)”.

This Could Happen, Really.

I can legally perform a marriage for any of you SEO rockstars, and turn your special day into a virtual circus.  For a small fee, or some kick ass links to some of my most prized web properties, THE Chris Hooley can do YOUR honors.  Because I’m now an ordained priest.

I’m a Dudeist Priest.

If you’re interested in hiring me to get the deed done, I take PayPal, money orders, Google Checkout, or XLS sheets filled with hot link locations.  I also do birthdays, bar mitzvahs, and I’m a notary public.

If you wanna learn more about how to become a dudeist priest yourself, I’m selling an ebook with convoluted instructions so I can make it seem more complicated than it really is and charge a fee for it, even though it’s free at this site over here.  So give me money and let’s turn your wedding into a real party!


The SEO Superlatives Committee Announced! (kinda)

The SEO Superlatives committee has been established, and we’re already hard at work. Much thanks to those who’ve put their time and effort into helping me with this so far. For those who want to nominate your choice for any of the categories, you know who to bug now!

And without further ado (sp?), here’s your committee!

Chris Hooley – Wannabe Class President – AKA Captain T.C.
Lisa Barone – Secretary of Pure Awesome, from Bruce Clay’s Search Engine Optimization Blog
Melanie Nathan – Can’t think of a title, but she works at this Edmonton Design Firm
Michael VanDeMar – Secretary of SMACKDOWN
David Temple – Gentleman and SEM Scholar
Taylor Pratt – Mustache Advocate from Gonzo SEO, who’s obsessed with this for some reason
Zak Nicola Content Writer (bwaaahahahaa!)
David Harry – Staff Hat Salesman

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Still awaiting confirmation from a couple other peeps. I’ll add them as they confirm. But for the most part, we’re set… to judge you… in public! LOVIN’ IT!


Drinking Your Way to Popularity!

Alcohol and popularity. What’s the deal? How are these things related? The only way to find out is to join the ultimate facebook group, Drinking Your Way to Popularity!

All the cool kids are doing it.

The best thing about it? You’re safe inside the walled garden that is Facebook. Nobody has to know your little secret… which is that you are a total drunk and so are your friends.

“This group is for all kinds of people who use beer, wine, or liquor to make themselves larger than life. Recreational drinkers, frat boys, business people who liquor up their clients and vendors, party animals, this is your home away from your home away from home, which should be your local bar.

Post pics and videos of puking, embarrassing photos of your friends (or enemies!), or any other alcohol related awesomeness. “

Sounds like the place to be! And the best part? If I know you, and you are my friend, you are automatically appointed an officer with a really cool name which undoubtedly will follow you around for the rest of your life.

Here’s the current role call of officers!

Chris Hooley
Doctor Drinkbait
Anna Rule (Toronto, ON)
Doctor Drinkbait’s Nurse of Love (AKA my girlfriend)
Jon Heinl (Phoenix)
Beer Bong Enthousiast
Skorp
Brewski Conquistador
Sara Hause (no network)
Drunk Chick with a Great Rack
Nicola Young (Glasgow)
Mexican
Gretchen Erle (Atlanta, GA)
Classy, professional Atlanta SEO.
Michael Buonomo (San Diego, CA)
Pony Keg Operations Specialist
Carolyn Shelby (Chicago, IL)
Perverted Beer Matron
Ken Savage (Lowell, MA)
Big Poppa Masshole
Dan Rezmovits (SUNY New Paltz)
New York Nugget Tugger
Rhea Drysdale (Jacksonville, FL)
Beer Monkey
Barbara Boser (Los Angeles, CA)
Boser’s Beer Babe
Rebecca Kelley (Washington)
ReBEERcca Kelley
Jill Sampey (New York, NY)
Chill Jill
David Wallace
Search Drank
Scott Willoughby (Seattle, WA)
Dave Naylor’s Eveil Drunken Twin
Michael A. Gray (Nassau County, NY)
BeerWolf
Lucas Ng (Australia)
Crocodile Mud Wrestler
Viper Edge (Chicago, IL)
Snake Bite Maker
Eddie Machado (Fort Lauderdale, FL)
Edible Underwear Model
David Brown (Bellingham, WA)
Bone Crusher
Brian Alpert (Washington, DC)
Drum Circle Jerker
Brett Tabke (Austin, TX)
Pubmaster
Robert Garcia (Miami, FL)
Rum Runner
Kelvin Newman (Brighton and Hove)
Beer Jockey
Michael McDonald (Lexington, KY)
Rage Reporter
Pete Wailes (London)
Pianist (not to be confused with “Penist”)
Aussie Webmaster (New York, NY)
Foster’s Importer
Danielle Winfield (New York, NY)
Exotic Beer Maiden
Barry Schwartz (no network)
Cartoon Beery
Ekrum Ashgar (London)
Ex Raver, Current Rager
Greg Boser (Los Angeles, CA)
Dark Beer Elitist

So get off your butt and get down with the crew. Facebook is in the house, drinks are in the house, Doctor DrinkBait is IN THE HOUSE! Get moving people!


“the Lisa” Clothing Line- CHRIS HOOLEY IS A MODEL!

Make no mistakes, Chris Hooley is hot. Hot for LISA BARONE! Shown here rocking the sleeveless “the Lisa” shirt, Chris is turning up the heat on all pussy cats riding the KING OF ALL CATS in the history of feline-ism.

SEO turned clothing designer Michael Gray needed a hot stable of mens to show off his latest fashion splash, the Lisa Line. Order yours today and become almost as cool as the hot young models rocking the new gear!


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