Chris Hooley’s -ThinkBait-

I don’t know if this was a brilliant little piece of linkbait, or a cheap trick stolen from a MySpace bulletin, or a bit of both. The 12th word in this post should help you decipher my thoughts on it. Geeky or not, it’s still kinda fun.

It was supposed to be a nice little tap, but I think Greg Boser dope virtually slapped me. He’s too bad ass to tag somebody gently, and I have no choice but to obey.

* FYI- the 6th thing you didn’t know about Boser: In the 4th grade he used to pick his nose and make the little kid at school eat it.

* that statement might not be true.

5 Things You Didn’t Know About Chris Hooley

• I am a unich.
• As a matter of fact, my shit doesn’t stink.
• I am wearing a pretty pink teddy right now.
• I’m NOT in denial.
• I did not have relations with that woman.

OOOOk. I felt obligated to be funny [thanks greg... I CAN'T HANDLE THE PRESSURE!!!!] I am as glad as you are that it is over. Now for the real stuff.

5 Real Things You Didn’t Know About Chris Hooley

• I was adopted, and found my birth family on the web - no shit. My totally awesome, kick ass family [Hooleys Rule!] adopted me from an orphanage as a baby. I grew up #2 of 4 brothers, and my older bro is adopted too. Here’s the kicker… I found out later in life I had 3 full blood brothers and a full blood sister too. I met them (not in person yet), and they are on my MySpace page. Crazy, crazy web! My name was almost Dustin Mykal Ansbergs.
• I played saxophone for a few weeks in the 6th grade - My parents saw that I taught myself to play Axel F on the casio keyboard and next thing you know, I was picking an instrument for band practice. I rebelled against that one!
• I used to be able to dunk - But I sucked at basketball. That didn’t stop be from playing every day tho. All I cared about was yoking it hard with two hands and hanging on the rim and being a bad ass, so I worked on my legs like a maniac and basically worshipped Sawn Kemp, MJ, and Dominique Wilkins. Embarrassingly enough, I was that white guy with hops who everybody picked first when they saw me warming up, but regretted it the second the game started.
• In a prior life I produced albums and songs for joke bands - Crack Money Records even performed shows with some known bands… Body Count was the biggest band we opened for. Even Ice-T loves the drinkbait!
• I technically had plastic surgery last month- Seriously. I have multiple lipomas, and many of them were concentrated around my midsection and back. My doctors said don’t bother to remove them, but they bothered me too much so I got LIPO. (that’s actually a common way of getting rid of them) And yes, I did take the opportunity to get rid of the “hairy bagel” and NO I am not “that guy“. If they’re already gonna be in there anyways, why not make me pretty at the same time? Eff it!!

w0rd!

Ok, now it’s time to tag a few more folks to keep this virus spreading. Let’s see how many people actually do this.

• Peter Wailes, come on in buddy. You have been tagged.
• Kris, I almost didn’t tag you because it would make your angle ring true, but shit man you rock and I can’t resist.
• Fuhgeddabowdit - Donald Trump, say hello to my little friend Mr. Tag!
• SEO Thursday’s Nathaniel Broughton for giving me a reason to be an icey hot stunta.
• And finally, Josh Strebel because his Luke Skywalker ass keeps begging me to link to him. I’m Darth Vader bitch. I tag with force.

Sorry guys, rules are rules and now you need to do it too.

As a side note, Happy Hanukka to the Jewish SEOs out there.