Tag: Hooley

The FASTEST Way to Lose Momentum on Your Blog

Tired of all those pesky readers on your blog?  Sick of all that annoying traffic?  Had enough of building a community, getting links, or comments on your blog posts?  Well I have a revolutionary solution!  It’s simple, easy, and FAST!  It’s a secret I’ve utilized on several occasions; EVERY time it resulted in a drop in traffic, subscribers, readers and all those other problems that come with owning a popular blog.

The secret?  *looks both ways* sshhhhhh…. (it’s easy, just stop writing for a while).  60% of the time it works EVERY time!

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Tom Brady Secrets!

If you’re a fan of Tom Brady, or funny random blogging, go check out Tom Brady Secrets. HILARIOUS stuff!

FYI- Jeff Dempsey contributed a ton to this blog, which is probably why it is so funny!

Are you WITH Me or AGAINST Me? The Terrel Owens Factor

I like to think of Corporate America like it’s professional sports. Marketing, Sales, Operations, Finance, and IT superstars are no different than professional athletes with year round free agency. Some demand a high salary, some are lunch pale hard workers who roll up their sleeves, some are loud and brash and can make or break any company depending on their mood.

Like Terrel Owens.

T.O. is one of the best receivers ever in the history of the NFL, but his constant demand for the spotlight and bad attitude when he’s losing was like a cancer to prior teams. He moves to another team that allows him to be himself and enables him to work the way he wants, and next thing you know he’s the role model in the locker room and he’s doing everything he can to help his team win. He’s a player that needs an organization to bend a little to make room for his ego, and rewards that organization if they do.

On the other hand you have an organization with strong and strict leadership that does not bend; the New England Patriots. They would NEVER hire T.O. because HE won’t bend to their will. But their system can make known malcontents (Randy Moss, Cory Dillon) successful and happy players who conform and become part of the team. And they win. Big time.

Corporate America is no different. Some organizations have such strong leadership, and such great vision, that employees work twice as hard to keep up the winning tradition. The scary thing is however, that some employees are so good at what they do that they can single handedly change a corporation and it’s future. And sometimes, there are employees who are cancer. It’s scary when you have a sueprstar like Terrel Owens who can propel your team to the highest highs, or crumble the foundation of the organization.

The question is how to handle something like that? Do you pamper him like Dallas (seems to be working, right?) or do you fire him and look for people who can conform? And think, do you want to face that guy on the field if you do let him go?

There’s some thinkbait for you execs and CEOs who have stars in your corporation. Is your team strong enough to do without your star? Can you afford to pamper your execs who deliver on a consistent basis? Is it even worth it? Do the rules change when somebody is that important? Is ANYBODY that important?

Bulldozer with Ballerina Shoes

Today’s advice for you corporate climbers is short and sweet. Be a bulldozer with ballerina shoes. If you KNOW you are right, you KNOW your decision is best for your company (and yourself) then you can’t accept a “no” right? Problem is that egos, agendas, and personalities can sometimes cloud a company’s decision making ability. And as a good get-along-guy or get-along-girl (which is what you need to be to get anything done in executive management) you must understand how important it is to keep people happy… or better yet how to NOT piss people off. Sometimes you need to dance.

Sometimes it’s tough when your decisions face opposition. But when your decision is right, you need to push forward. There IS no “no”. Become a bulldozer with ballerina shoes. Dance around what you can, roll over if you have to, but push forward no matter what stands in your way.

Guess Who’s Blogging Again!


I’ve spent too long minoring in the majors and majoring in the minors. I gotta get back to what got me where I am at today. For those who have forgotten who I am, I’m Chris Hooley. The Fonzie of SEO. I work for the best Student Loan Company on the web. I am a father, a son, a sumo wrestler, and an interpretive dancer / figure skater.  I will be your guide to pimping the web and pwning corporate America.  Stay tuned kiddies, I’m back with a vengeance!!

How to Launch Dozens of Blogs

There has to be a better way.  I have dozens domains that I want to create sites out of.  Free templates that I can edit myself.  Access to tons of awesome writers.  But creating the sites takes hours!  Set up hosting, configure, upload files, configure, install database, configure, etc etc etc.  It’s a pain in the arse.  Then once the sites are up, they crash from too much traffic (third host in 6 months, all the same problem)

These sites don’t have enough income potential to spend big dollars hosting them, but if I launch them all and keep my writers pounding out awesome stuff and driving traffic eventually these sites will be worth the effort.  But for now, no upsidedown-ski on hosting costs.

Anybody know a better, more efficient way to pound out lots of real wordpress blogs?  I am not looking for splog software, I just want to build out my sites so I don’t have all my chickens in one basket so to speak.

Guess What I’m Gonna Do! I’m Gonna SPAM Digg… BAD!

They have it coming. I have been a good user / member for years. Never did anything I wasn’t supposed to, contributed to conversations, dugg stuff I liked, rarely submitted a thing, almost never dugg stuff down, and they banned me anyways.

My attempts at getting my account back have been ignored. Because they decided to screw with me, I have decided I don’t need my old account. I don’t even want it. Instead, I will be letting my new bots submit the crappiest content ever. I think we are due for a little auto register bot as well to help automate this crap submission. I’m even writing a bot to auto bury which will have targeting capabilities.

Digg, there was no good reason for you guys to ban me, I did nothing wrong. Now you got it coming. Mess with the bull, you get the horns.

Jeff Dempsey: The Man, the Myth, the Mustache

Jeff Dempsey is a man of many talents. Farting, creating half ass partially SEO friendly blogs, updating web pages, whining, all kinds of stuff. Most of you know him from his first blog, I am Better than U. Some of you know him as the guy who got all my buddies to change their blog links to my site to his (the now defunct ChrisHooleySecrets.com). Others may even know him from our controversy, the one where I made it known that I own his soul.

Now, you will begin to know him as the man who saves mens’ testicles by growing a mustache and encouraging other men to do the same. The Great Stache Off has begun, and the response has been overwhelming. Jeff has had to turn away more than half of the contestants due to the workload it has caused. This my friends, is a very good thing.

Jeff has been hard at work trying to re-rank his newer, boss mandated blog for my name. To alleviate some of his workload so he can focus on the Stache Off, I have decided to give him a little help here. He just needs a handful of strong blog links to Chris Hooley Owns Jeff Dempsey to grab that top spot and get this thing over-with. That’s right, I am actually encouraging people to link to Jeff’s blog with the anchor text “Chris Hooley” so he can outrank me. Let’s just say it’s my contribution to his charity event.

The Great Stache Off is also accepting sponsorships for those who missed the shave date and would like to contribute. Sponshorship comes with a free clean link, which could end up a pretty good value. The contest has had some pretty cool coverage already, pulling in some link pop from some pretty bad ass blogs and authority websites. You can save people’s balls and funnel some link pop into your site at the same time just by donating a bit to the cause.

So there you have it. Save balls, link to Jeff’s site, get links, and have some fun. Aint blogging for balls great?

Drinking Your Way to Popularity!

Alcohol and popularity. What’s the deal? How are these things related? The only way to find out is to join the ultimate facebook group, Drinking Your Way to Popularity!

All the cool kids are doing it.

The best thing about it? You’re safe inside the walled garden that is Facebook. Nobody has to know your little secret… which is that you are a total drunk and so are your friends.

“This group is for all kinds of people who use beer, wine, or liquor to make themselves larger than life. Recreational drinkers, frat boys, business people who liquor up their clients and vendors, party animals, this is your home away from your home away from home, which should be your local bar.

Post pics and videos of puking, embarrassing photos of your friends (or enemies!), or any other alcohol related awesomeness. “

Sounds like the place to be! And the best part? If I know you, and you are my friend, you are automatically appointed an officer with a really cool name which undoubtedly will follow you around for the rest of your life.

Here’s the current role call of officers!

Chris Hooley
Doctor Drinkbait
Anna Rule (Toronto, ON)
Doctor Drinkbait’s Nurse of Love (AKA my girlfriend)
Jon Heinl (Phoenix)
Beer Bong Enthousiast
Brewski Conquistador
Sara Hause (no network)
Drunk Chick with a Great Rack
Nicola Young (Glasgow)
Gretchen Erle (Atlanta, GA)
Classy, professional Atlanta SEO.
Michael Buonomo (San Diego, CA)
Pony Keg Operations Specialist
Carolyn Shelby (Chicago, IL)
Perverted Beer Matron
Ken Savage (Lowell, MA)
Big Poppa Masshole
Dan Rezmovits (SUNY New Paltz)
New York Nugget Tugger
Rhea Drysdale (Jacksonville, FL)
Beer Monkey
Barbara Boser (Los Angeles, CA)
Boser’s Beer Babe
Rebecca Kelley (Washington)
ReBEERcca Kelley
Jill Sampey (New York, NY)
Chill Jill
David Wallace
Search Drank
Scott Willoughby (Seattle, WA)
Dave Naylor’s Eveil Drunken Twin
Michael A. Gray (Nassau County, NY)
Lucas Ng (Australia)
Crocodile Mud Wrestler
Viper Edge (Chicago, IL)
Snake Bite Maker
Eddie Machado (Fort Lauderdale, FL)
Edible Underwear Model
David Brown (Bellingham, WA)
Bone Crusher
Brian Alpert (Washington, DC)
Drum Circle Jerker
Brett Tabke (Austin, TX)
Robert Garcia (Miami, FL)
Rum Runner
Kelvin Newman (Brighton and Hove)
Beer Jockey
Michael McDonald (Lexington, KY)
Rage Reporter
Pete Wailes (London)
Pianist (not to be confused with “Penist”)
Aussie Webmaster (New York, NY)
Foster’s Importer
Danielle Winfield (New York, NY)
Exotic Beer Maiden
Barry Schwartz (no network)
Cartoon Beery
Ekrum Ashgar (London)
Ex Raver, Current Rager
Greg Boser (Los Angeles, CA)
Dark Beer Elitist

So get off your butt and get down with the crew. Facebook is in the house, drinks are in the house, Doctor DrinkBait is IN THE HOUSE! Get moving people!

Birthday Linkfest 2007: WAY Overdue!

I remember back in the days when I was a blogger.  I used to write stuff.  People used to link here.  Chicks used to dig me.

Well I’m back with about 40 links that are way overdue (I’m not a liar, just BUSY).  For those of you who wished me a Happy Birthday on my 30th, here’s your love, right back atcha.  Sorry my much anticipated (and by much anticipated I mean not at all anticipated) overdue post is just a thank you, but at least I got off on my ass again and wrote SOMETHING eh?

Let the love flow baby.

Snoop Blog, my main SEO pimp mofo, as usual first to respond.  Thanks for the multiple beer bongs (he actually built them), guitar hero, and the mofuggin LUNCH BOXES!

Ump, proud to have you on board, now get your blog up already.

Jeff Dempsey, Jeff Dempsey, your blogs pwn all others.

Carolyn, next time you and Dave are gonna hit Vegas for reals with the Hool and the Rule!

PPC Guy, even if we’re #2 you’re still tops in my book

Markus, one day we will launch 12inchblackrubberdildobait.com and we’ll make literally hundreds

Jihan, it aint a party till your KrazyKorean ass shows up, thanks for being part of pretty much every birthday party I’ve had since I landed in AZ and for pitching in on at least 6 of my worst 7 presents ever.  The neoprene shorts are still getting a lot of mileage

Chris, you’ve been a bad ass since the Devry days.

Joe, shame your daughter’s poops prevented you from making it to the jam.  You were literally a quarter mile away

Jess, you money maker mover and shaker, keep pimpin it

Rhona, I miss you.  But that doesn’t stop me from eating horses

Tamar, maybe you can digg this?  Just kidding it’s a boring post :-p

Dan, I don’t know which site you are pimpin these days but I’ll be sure to visit you in SD if you don’t mind the fact I aint single no more and can hardly even wingman properly now

Aaron, your blog rocks… I have no idea how I ended up on your superstar list but I sure do appreciate it!

Joachim, nice quote.  Keep pimpin wiki bad ass style mang

Cameron, your Burt Reynolds style inspired a mustache contest at my office.  Bravo sir

Nathania, we’re old.  But at least YOU’RE still nice!

CHRIS!  SES San Jose we’re gettin beers.  And drinkin them.  Congrats on being your own boss!

Dan, “YO” will never be old.  nice adsense.

Prat, not sure we met but you did in fact wish my a happy birthday which did in fact earn you a link.  Enjoy!

David Wallace, my original SEO sensei!  Dude, those beers where AMAZING!  Piraat Ale and Nefarious Ten Pin were TOP NOTCH!  Thanks for making it to the b-day party and tell your beautiful wide I said hello!

Jason Murphy Man was I glad to finally roll witcha!  Looking forward to the next time

Chris, my pubcon buddy circa 2006, we got mo’ in sto’ for 07!

Pete Wailes, you  sir are a bad ass mofo, looking forward to your new site!

Andrea, I miss the shizzle out of you!  Conferences don’t happen often enough, I might have to rig a once partially awesome contest idea to get your ass out here to PHX!

Jon, much respect to you even if you ARE a yanks fan.  At least YOU don’t suck.

Joe Whyte, you are a legend in my office.  My life will never be the same now that I have the lunch box

Rach, you deserve all the happiness our family affords you.  I aspire to be as good a parent as you and Jeff are to my amazing nephews.

Rae the only thing hotter than your tought round buttocks is your skill in the marketplace.  Amazing

SEO Fan Girl, one day I may bless the pages of your blog.  On that day I will know it is ok to follow the light, for I will have achieved one of my main life goals.

Josh, we been down for years in the Arizona SEO shit.   Keep up the good work homez

Brendon, I don’t know you but you pimped the system, which I respect fully

Savage!  Glad to hear there’s some web money flowing into the Merrimac Valley brah!

Brook, it’s hard to link out to that one cuz you guys are right there in my vertical, but a deal’s a deal.  Now get my favorite site a few links from some of yours and we’ll all be happy ;-)

Johnny, you worked that system baby.  Send me a fish tank :-p

Lucas, worked it too

David, happy to see you’re jumping in to make some loot online!  Keep pimpin homie you’re gonna be big time!

And that’s it.  Maybe my next blog post will be part 2 of my Hooley Party Train?

Chris Hooley’s Coming Home to Boston Beyatches!

Chris is coming home baby! This is my first trip back to Beantown since I stayed at Uncle Mark’s and Auntie Marie’s about 5-6 years ago. I have since gained 30 pounds (it’s all muscle lol), had a kid, bought 2 houses, and developed a taste for fiber rich foods and shuffleboard.

My taste for beer however, remains unchanged. And I want to drink one with YOU!

I’m getting in on Saturday night, staying at some swanky hotel (the one that sarah jessica parker got kicked out of the pool on sex in the city) and going to the sox game on Sunday. Sat night and especially Sunday night I’ll be looking for something fun to do, so if you’ll be in or around the city let me know. We’ll get some brewskis and maybe go bah hoppin or somethin.

HIT ME UP if you wanna meet up downtown and / or go get a beer. My cell is 623-680-9173 and I should have it on at all times. CALL ME, we’ll talk. Maybe we can take a trip down to Tewksbury and hang out at the Oakdale Mall with our skateboards and beg strangers for money to get some Papa Ginos too. err, maybe not that. OK then. SEE YOU IN BEANTOWN! (hopefully)

On a side note… I owe you guys a few posts. One for links for those birthday wishes, and part 2 of my Hooley Party Train post. Just so you know, I got this new GF who is taking up a lot of my blogging time so feel free to blame her for all bad things in your life that involve me. She’s just so darn cute I can’t bring myself to sit in front of my computer when I’m not working-

Tell ya what, if Boston is boring, you’ll see a bunch of posts coming from this el blogo and everybody will be more happy than ever… except my GF who will probably be getting hatemail for being hawt.



Unfortunately this contest is going to be postponed temporarily until I can get my head out of my ass.  For all you who have participated thus far, my sincere apologies.  I’ll hook yo ass up with some awesome soonish, and when the contest is back in swing you’ll already be signed up and I’ll make sure you know way ahead of time.

Happy Birfday Andrea Schoemaker!

A few days late, a few dollars short, but shizzle bizzle. I hope yo birf dizzle was da bomb. On an unrelated note, pretty soon I’m gonna get that contest running, I got disctracted with things that are not so awesome, but I’m back in the heezy!

The SEO / Affiliate Marketer Code of Ethics

SEOs and affiliate marketers are basically all competing for the same thing(s). With that said, I bring you the official SEO / Affiliate Marketer Code of Ethics.

  • Take the money, let somebody else take the credit (unless you make a living speaking or writing books, in which case do the opposite)
  • Your friend’s niche is like their ex and should be treated the same way. If you know about it, you can only get involved with his permission first, and you can’t ask for permission either.  You are, however, allowed to eye the niche up with longing and think about how great it would be if it was yours
  • If you are blackhatting, you can’t blow the whistle on other blackhatters. Only white hats who are 100% spam free are allowed to submit SERP spam reports (which means I will be reporting ALL your silly websites in the morning)
  • Don’t submit a SERP spam report unless the site you are reporting is either doing something A) illegal B) malicious, or C) if the site sucks so bad it is impossible not to try and get the person who created it banned and cut off from their income flow
  • Getting a site banned is like burning down a building. There are very few times when it is OK.
  • You can blog about your own new techniques / exploits, but cannot blog about other people’s unless it is already public knowledge or unless you have permission
  • If you found an exploit, no matter how much I want to read your blog on it… Keep it to yourself, milk it, then right when it starts getting noticed THAT’s when you claim it
  • Ideas are also like ex-girlfriends. You can’t steal an idea from a friend, but it is OK to work an “idea” if you don’t know her “ex-boyfriend”

Props to Sugarrae for helping me to focus this a bit.  We both may add a point or two after the fact.  Do you have any other “rules of engagement” or “laws of honor” for our industry that are missing?

SEO BoyBand: A Buzz Marketing Flop

I thought there was NO WAY this LinkBait experiment could fail. The idea seemed solid and outside the box. Let me explain why I did it, and why it didn’t end up making as big of a splash as I had hoped.

The Premise

At PubCon 2006, a tall thin guy named Kris and I were chatting about how funny it is that SEOs are treated like they’re in a boyband at these conferences. We joked about how we should be throwing our underwear on stage while they are speaking, and they should be signing our boobs.

Both of us apparently took a lot away from that conversation. Kris went on to write one of the funniest blogs ever, and I went on to do that DrinkBait stuff. We both had great success with our campaigns, which kept me thinking. I should do more fun stunts to attract attention and invoke a positive reaction. I mainly was looking to entertain and get a laugh, and of course, create a buzz.

Campaign Specifics

Just creating a post and buying the domain for SEO BoyBand isn’t enough to warrant props for outside the box thinking. I needed to make this good. After pondering it for a few days, I finally had a game plan.

  • Register SEOBoyBand.com
  • Write story about major SEOs forming a BoyBand
  • Hire Skorp to photoshop a few hilarious pics of the band in action
  • Here’s the kicker: Max bid on Google Adwords for the phrases SEO, Search Optimization, Search Engine Optimization, etc. the day the Chicago SES Conference begins, and leave campaign running for a few days.

I figured most SEOs search for that phrase rather frequently, and if I owned that phrase during the convention, somebody would notice and I would have created a word of mouth marketing monster. It didn’t quite turn out that way.

Why The Heck Run Adwords? Was it Expensive?

Because I’ve never seen a LinkBait idea marketed that way. I wanted originality points, and something interesting to talk about after the fact.

And yes, it was expensive. I spent well over a grand in less than 2 days on marketing a joke.

Let’s Explore That Adwords Campaign

Pictures speak a thousand words. Just check out this insanity.

Almost 14k impressions. 98 clicks. $13.78 Avg. CPC. $1350.38 ad spend. 4k daily budget. $99.00 default max bid.

A little nutts eh? I was breaking through and placing $99.00 bids to force bonus. I let Google’s ad serving algo keep my click costs in the highest end of the general range that current advertisers are running now.

Here are the phrases I was running:
NOTE: this provides some great insight as to which SEO related phrases people are searching for

The best part of the campaign however, was the ad copy. They were mind numbingly dumb, and I though t they were funny as all get out. Check these ads out

Man, I love that. I thought it would be like playing a harmless prank on the SEO world for a bit.

Why Did it Fail?

There’s probably a ton of reasons, but here are a couple I can think of.

  • I overestimated the percentage of people at SES Chicago who would search for the phrases I advertised
  • SEO people are probably blind to the PPC ads on their vanity searches
  • I didn’t put much effort behind making a splash with it
  • Maybe it wasn’t as funny as I thought?
  • There was nothing in the post that called for action or interaction of any sort
  • People were too busy at SES to be searching for stuff… bad timing
  • I didn’t properly seed the joke by telling key people that this was going to be posted
  • I didn’t submit it to any social bookmarking type sites (and neither did anybody else lol)
  • I didn’t write the story well

What did we learn here?

I don’t know, you tell me! I would still love to see www.SEOBoyBand.com turn into a pop culture phenom. (*note, that was obviously tongue in cheek sentence, and a purposefully gross overstatement) I was even going to make a series out of it by incorporating industry news and the rest of the mainstream SEO celebrities with a reality show type feel… but if the people don’t like it, I won’t serve it!

With such pop stars as Matt Cutts, Rand Fishkin, Danny Sullivan, Greg Boser, and me (again, joking… those dudes don’t have pull like me yet, but they are working on it) how could it possibly fail? Any ideas?

Bloggers: Time to Prove Your Love!

If you love me, go bless this thread with a quick vote for “DrinkBait” as Best LinkBait in 2006.

Search Engine Journal is hosting the 2006 Search Blog Awards. Awesome idea. Just by visiting that thread alone I found about a dozen new blogs for my feed reader.

DrinkBait might win for this category, but I need your help! It has a bunch of nominations so far. Hook a brother up and tell the world that DrinkBait was the Best LinkBait of 2006!

Some Links Just HAVE TO HAPPEN.

There has been a lot of public link whoring link worthy stuff this week. I would be amiss if did not do something about this. With no further ado, here is the shizzle bizzles.

If I forgot anything awesome or funny or bait worthy, make sure to point it out in the comments. I’ll probably do something about it!

Are You Dumb? Use it for SEO!

I sent my team an email today about how to leverage your research for SEO / marketing value. After reading it, I thought it would actually make a helpful blog post for those who ask lots of questions.

I am in no way implying anybody is dumb, I just thought that title would be nice and catchy for the blog post. Here’s the email I sent out today:

Hi Team,

Often our jobs require that we need to research a topic… software, new info for content development, changes in the advertising landscape, etc. We “Google” things probably a dozen times per person per day in this department. We also ask each other tons of questions, which is great communication.

There is a way however, that we can get the answers we need AND some SEO value (maybe some links, maybe some buzz) from our own curiosity as well. By visiting forums, blogs, question & answer sites (like answers.yahoo.com), and other social media sites, we can create relevant profiles and even have little signatures that have a link back to our site. We can link to our website in our questions too if it makes sense and is not spammy.

Researching this way has a triple benefit. You can get your questions answered by people who are experts or junkies in a certain area (try visiting a software forum for a question about software, they will probably be very passionate about the discussions), you can help brand our company by being a friendly contributor to these communities, AND you even can help our SEO efforts by getting free links back to our site where it makes sense.

I strongly encourage you to try this method of research, since it will help us expand our presence into the social web and may help us for SEO as well. We might even learn some neat new things that we can bring back to our colleagues here :-)

Keep up the good work guys, you rock!

Now that my team is growing, I can imagine these types of emails will be more frequent than things like “Is this project done yet” or “Can you try this font?” or “Please go get my dry cleaning” (kidding!)

Do you think that emails like this, ones that give broad guidance instead of specifics, are an effective way to manage a large team of web marketing managers and professionals? Seems like the higher up you get in an organization, the more it is about vision than specifics.

BS-1 Behind the Conference: SEO BOYBAND

BS-1 Behind the Conference traces the rise and fall of the most prolific boy band in SEO history. The first group of SEOs ever to travel outside the typical conference circuit and into the dark underworld of pop music made their debut after they met at Webmasterworld’s PubCon 2006. Their first single, “Use the anchor text: love”, quickly rose to the top of the del.icio.us popular chart, giving the band instant notoriety, fame, and wild success.

SEO Boy Band initially started working the conference circuit in early 2006 where SEOs, CEOs, and even SEO Fan Girls have been spotted throwing their underwear on stage as the band performed public link analysis sessions, which often ended in public riots. The thought of the buzz gave band front runner Chris Hooley the idea to take the show on the road.

After a grueling dance rehearsal, the band agreed the choreography and timing was right. SEO BoyBand began touring all over the greater San Jose area. After a few sell out shows, it became apparent to the crew that their newly found fame would get more than they bargained for.

In a rare interview with BS-1 Hooley says: “I was just doing it for the buzz, these free pairs of underwear are just another perk!”

Greg “Web Guerilla” Boser chimes in “not to mention the 600 backlinks I got from Digg yesterday” as he Hi Fived Rand Fishkin of SEOMoz who says “I’m a bad ass SEO“.

Meanwhile, the absence of these high profile SEO rockstars on the conference and blogging scene created a void, which some more crafty web marketing experts quickly exploited.

The release of their second single “Rollin’ Wit da Bloggerz” brought even more fame and backlinks. However, the grueling 7 day a week schedule of blogging, singing, and dancing began to wear on the super group. This didn’t stop the pop marketing powerhouse, they continued the media craze by releasing “Link Pop” and following it up with their smash hit “Love me, Leave me, then Link to me”

Eventually the media craze became to much for the SEO Boy Band to handle. Chris Hooley spent countless days DrinkBaiting, while Greg Boser and other band members stayed up night all night using the harder stuff to keep going.

“I just, really love the purple ones” said Boser after a long night of pounding yoohoo and snorting pixie sticks. “I don’t know what I would do without them”

The increased exposure and sugar consumption eventually started to tear at the band. Bitter rivalries between members of the back up dance crew eventually led to disaster. SEO BoyBand stopped touring after an incident where Tim Mayer and Adam Lasnik nearly choked each other out. Danny Sullivan tried to stop the violence, but ended up instant messaging the police.

Back up vocalsit Matt Cutts saw the transgressions, quit the banned, er.. I mean BAND, and applied a minus 30 penalty to the whole crew. That was the last time Mayer and Lasnik spoke, and ultimately the end of SEO BoyBand.

After the dust settled, nearly a fortune in backlinks was amassed. Chris Hooley, as the owner of the domain, currently controls the link equity created by the band. “It’s a time in my life I’ll never forget. What’s your name again?”

Although the experience might have been a blur to the band members, the memory of their rise to #1 on the SERPs, I mean charts, will never fade.

*props to Skorp for the images. Check out his BadTastic Blog for more crazy antics and SkorpShopping!

Going Under the Knife, Wish Me Luck!

Blogging will probably be light for a few days here in HooleyLand.  I got an appointment with a scalpel at 9AM.  Nothing serious, just a few lipomas to get rid of.  I might blog tomorrow, but if I do… take whatever I say with a grain of salt.  I’ll be on painkillers all day and probably anti-anxiety medicine in the morning. I’ll be loopy!

I promise, the post I’ve been hyping up is still coming.  It will be worth the wait.  You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll internally combust, and you’ll find the true meaning of life, love, happiness, and scoring links from Google’s home page.  And you’ll see pictures of Matt Cutts shredding on the ones and twos.

DrinkBait: Doing It For The Buzz!

Today is my last chance to spread drink popularity around in PubCon Vegas.  We already know Google’s drink authority can’t be beat; they bought drinks for the whole conference Tuesday.  However, yesterday’s drink bombing campaign was received so well I’m gonna kick it up a notch once again.  I have a new bag of nips (this time only Gray Goose, Patron, and Crown), a bunch more labels, a cheesy paper print out for my White and Nerdy hooded sweat shirt, and to top it off: a necklace with a shot glass.

I am going to kick this Vegas party off like a mofo, and it is gonna start in the “networking session” today.  The ReviewMe.com guys were the first to get jiggy with the DrinkBait.  We pounded a drank all up in they booth.  I’m gonna see if I can get some more people to actually drink these things during the session.  Props to Andy Hagans for being the first to step up to the plate!

I must say, this has been one of the more fun experiences I have had at a web marketing conference.  Viral marketing stunts are more fun than optimizing ads, ad spends, web pages, link portfolios, etc.  And they’re kinda almost free sort of.  You can probably expect a few more crazy antics like this from me in the future.

Point is, I’m looking to catch a buzz and get some more people buzzing right there with me.  DrinkBait, LinkBait, ThinkBait…  Maybe more people should try to actually do something offline to get themselves noticed if they want references (also known in SEO world as LINKS).

I’ve got only strong drinks in my drink portfolio, and we know that the best drink is a free drink.  Who’s next to get some of this DrinkBait? 

DrinkBait 2.0

After hearing about Nathaniel Broughton’s PubCon drinking game, I became obsessed with the concept of drinkbait.  In a prior post on the subject, I took a somewhat obnoxious (I prefer the word funny) approach to presenting the idea (complete with pics of Fonzi, Darth Vader, Vanilla Ice, and Mr. T).  However, in typical Chris Hooley fashion, I’ve taken the idea a step further than it truly needs to go.

I looked at the SEO drinking contest like some SEOs look at a search engines. I analyzed it to find a way to game the system…  

Enter the DrinkBait.com personal drink spamming campaign.

The rules of the contest state I must buy reputable SEOs a drink, and take a picture of myself with said SEO to attain points.  The person with the most points wins the contest and make a few hundred bills (and probably gets a few links from SEO bloggers too).  It did not stipulate that I needed to be in a bar, drinking, or even ask said SEOs if they want a drink.

I developed new “technology” (ok, I actually just bought the domain “drinkbait.com” from moniker and pointed it to my blog) and printed out a sheet of paper with the domain name printed all over it.  I bought about 40 nips (various flavors) and after cutting the paper up to create tabs with the domain name printed on it, I taped a tab to each bottle. 

Now all I need to do is go to the conference today with my big bag chock full of nips. Each time I see an SEO on the “list” I can run up on them with the drink I bought for them, AND I can even do drive by picture taking if said SEO is not fond of my drink spamming campaign.

This is so gonna rock.  As the self proclaimed “Frat Boy of SEO” I have a falsified reputation to uphold.  I will not let more deserving people with more refined social skills, more experience and / or industry relations, or more brains beat ME in a drinking game.  It just aint gonna happen baby.

I am headed off to the conference to give away some free drinks. Wish me luck!

Farting at Business Conferences

PubCon 2006 in Las Vegas has delivered more than a few nuggets of SEO knowledge.  I also had the priviledge of hearing 2 separate very loud, and very public farts in ONE single conference.  Sitting in a blogging session with numerous SEO rockstar panelists (I might add, this single session was worth the cost of attendance), I was surprised to hear that dreadful sound.  Part bass, part raspberry, all gross.  Somebody near the back row let one loose.

To make things worse, a few minutes later (after I was already cracking up out loud over the first fart) I think the lady right in front of me ripped one too.  This one was slightly louder too.

Maybe those boxed lunches had a little surprise in there?  I dunno.  Either way, still gross.

People, if you are going to a professional conference, try to be a little more discreet about your bodily functions.  Take medicine if you feel it coming on.  Do something.  Something except farting in public.

In fact, while I’m on a completely embarrassing and inappropriate topic, let’s talk about deodorant people.  Just because you are wearing a suit doesn’t mean you don’t smell bad after avoiding showers for a day or two.  All too often I am at a business event and somebody forgot to wash properly.  This is America, and there is running water everywhere.  Just wash better.

And for all three of my loyal readers, sorry for the off color and off topic post.  I’ll probably be back on subject soon.



DrinkBait: Drinks for Links!

That’s right.  My new angle is going to catch on like wildfire.


I already asked my mom to digg this post.  The SEOs at PubCon won’t be able to stop the furious force of my drink buying power, and will be forced to link to my websites with beautiful anchor text on copy rich, authoritative pages. 

Forget about the fact that Vegas serves free drinks all day and night.  I’m buying anyways.  I’m just cool like that.  And that.  And that too.

See you in Vegas, fellow SEO / SEM junkies.  I got 68 dollars that says all you mofos will be hyperlinking to my shizzle.  Resistance is futile.  You like beer, wine, and fancy drinks.  I got a wad of Hamiltons baby.

Let’s do this. 

Vegas, I’m coming home.  See you soon, don’t send me back broke!

Loving Publicity III – THERE’s the Link!

Too bad it’s not A) my publicity -or B) my link. NY Times, how you torture me with your fickle linking ways! For a little backgrounder on why I am both proud and in complete agony at the same time, read on.

I woke up to read the following instant message waiting for me from Liana:

Liana says:

i really don’t know if you are awake or not…… but i have to share this with someone who would have a inkling as to WHY …. i’m like giddy….. the New York Time just quoted my post from SMG!!!!!

Liana says:

Click HERE!!

Chris H says:


The only word I could think of that could express my excitement… “Dude!!!”

That’s a pretty sweet reference there! I dealt with a reporter from the NY Times once, and after a week of getting information back and forth, phone interviews, and even getting pics taken from a photographer they sent out… they finally published our story. Still no link love! For those who know me, you know I’m a publicity junkie too. The evidence is even in the title of this blog (notice the “III” next to Loving Publicity).

My entire NY Times experience was blogafied here.

The SEO Gods must be smiling down atcha Li! That domain / site RARELY EVER links out and has a TON of authority, usually only referencing publically traded companies.

Way to go Search Marketing Guru Liana!

10 Reasons Why I Love My Job

Everybody who knows me knows I love working at NextStudent.  It’s the coolest place I have ever worked, INCLUDING my own company.  Once I started posting these reasons I love my job, I quickly realized I could go on forever… but I decided to keep it succint because nobody wants to hear 100 reasons why some random web guy likes his job. BTW- the word succinct rocks.

Here’s ten off the top of my head:

  1. The environment is hard to explain- Almost everybody is friendly with everybody else and we’re all having a great time almost every single day-  It’s amazing
  2. They pay well
  3. They are sending me to Las Vegas for a week to attend PubCon next week (and they send me to pretty much any conference I ask them to)
  4. My boss is a really good dude, and so are the top execs
  5. I have the most amazing team any web marketing guy could possibly imagine
  6. When I have a good idea, I implement it, and everybody supports it
  7. I help people afford a college education, then when they are done I help them save money
  8. I also help make a bunch of cool people lots of dough
  9. I get recognition, raises, promotions, bonuses, and other neat perks because I’m pretty good at what I do *pops collar*
  10. It’s the place where I made a name for myself, and when I come to work I get to be larger than life (or at least they let me get away with thinking that way lol)

There’s 10 quick reasons why NextStudent rocks.  I’m feeling good, and thought I’s share it with my huge fan base of readers.  All 3 of you, enjoy!

How Long Does it Take to Rank on Each Search Engine?

Chris Hooley isn’t exactly a common name.  I think there are maybe three or four of us on this planet.  Narrow that set of results down to all the Chris Hooley’s who are SEOs and you have an even smaller set (consisting of one).  I figured owning this term was a slam dunk.


Believe it nor not, I actually had to build a few links.  I actually had to write some content… I actually had to work a little for it!  Finally that little bit of work I put in has paid off.  I have the trifecta: #1 on Google, Yahoo!, and MSN.  (Ask is taking a bit longer, though I have that #1 for a different one of my pages)

What’s more interesting is how long each engine took recognize and award the top spot, and what factors weighed into the results.  Check out this neat little timeline.

  • February 2006: spent much of the month trying to convince this guy to sell me his domain
  • February 18, 2006: bought chris-hooley.com instead, launched blog, and wrote my first post
  • May 2, 2006: still no rankings.  Self linked from a very relevant page (which ranked in the 1-3 zone on all engines).  Wrote a page obviously designed to get some hub love.  Interconnected most of my social networking sites, and even threw up a few gross cheapo blog posts (#note: MSN loved this)
  • May 12, 2006: All engines now recognize the site.  #1 on Yahoo! and MSN, #3 or 4 on G
  • May 12 – August 2006: Did a tiny bit of link whoring, submitted site to a few major blog directories, posted a few tidbits (no spamming mind you) on forums I frequent, etc.  Saw ranks stabilize on G at #2 during this period
  • August 2006 to Present: Stopped working on SEO for this site and figured Google loves colllege, just blogged here and there for as I felt the urge.
  • October 27, 2006: Finally got that #1 spot on G.

So your asking yourself, what did I get from this timeline?  Here’s another neat list.

  • Google loves .edu type sites
  • There IS a Google sandbox on domains AND links
  • Yahoo! likes big links (“big” in this case meant “very relevant”)
  • MSN loves virtually any crappy link you can throw at it

Nothing new there.

I guess the moral of the story is, a website, no matter how relevant, will rarely automatically rank itself.  You still gotta put a little effort into every site, even if it seems like the easiest phrase or vertical.

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Think I’m Just 2 White and Nerdy!

This is a sort of follow up to my last post about the Googlehead song.  I don’t know how I stumbled upon this one, but I LOVE IT.

I Think I’m Just 2 White and NerdyWeird Al is BACK!

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I’m a Googlehead

I heard quite possibly the most annoying, but strangely alluring tune yesterday.  It seems that the Sirius sattelite DJs were listening to my conversation right before I entered my car, and played the perfect song just as I hopped in.

Don’t even ask why I had my stereo tuned to the kid channel instead of something “cool” like “Shade45“.  I am that guy in the BMW commercial… You know when the car calls him and catches him listening to tunes obviously written to amuse a toddler.  Funny thing is, I even drive the same car as that guy.

Anyways, if you are a Googlehead, or this answer to this question is yes, should enjoy this terrible song and video.

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