Interviews with elite SEOs are a great way to get traffic and recognition if you are an SEO blogger. Being the attention whore I am, I decided that I would jump in and do one of those interviews myself. But I needed to find an SEO awesome enough. Danny Sullivan, Quadzilla, Greg Boser, Aaron Wall; none of them made the cut. I needed the ULTIMATE SEO CELEBRITY.

So I chose myself.

Enjoy the best SEO interview ever conducted.

Chris, thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule of trolling Twitter to answer some questions. How ’bout we start by telling my readers a bit about yourself?

Well Chris, I was born awesome. I popped out with a fat blind directory network and a Mac wearing a sleeveless shirt.

You were born with clothes on?

You betcha Chris. Spandex and a sleeveless shirt.

Sleeveless?

Yeah.

Cool. What was the first thing you remember doing that was web related?

First thing I did was flop open my cellie and sold a start up I was working on since the second trimester. Then my moms tried to feed me, I was like “Damn, you’re my moms! Put those things away” and I cracked a brew.

In the hospital?

Yeah.

Cool. So what makes you think you are God’s Gift to SEO?

I pwn the domain, quit hounding me honkie.

Say w0rd?

w0rd.

Cool. So recently you have been stirring the pot a bit in the SEO industry. What do you attribute your recent successes to?

Well Chris, I think the recent attention is because I am awesome.

Is that why so many chicks want you?

Probably. That and my money.

You make a lotta dough?

Tons. I drive a fast car too.

Cool. I have to admit, this interview is riveting.

Before you ask, it’s huge.

Cool. Let’s move on then. What would you say your best SEO trick is?

Well Chris, since people cannot possibly deny my awesome, I simply think about sites I want links from. And if there are girls anywhere in a certain organization I look at them.

Look at them?

Yeah.

What does that do?

Makes em link to my sites. I can’t explain it, it just happens. I’m like the Fonzi of SEO.

Say w0rd?

w0rd.

Cool. That’s a neat trick. What about the dudes?

Hey shut up man.

Sorry. I mean how do you get the DUDES to link to you?

I drink a lotta beer with them and tell fart jokes at classy restaurants.

That works?

Sometimes. Once or twice. Ok not yet but I believe in the system.

Cool. This is going well.

Hell yeah it is. I just made like 14 bucks on adsense beyatch!

Since we started this interview?

No since November.

Cool. That’s good I think.

I used to be able to dunk and freestyle rap.

I thought you were supposed to wait for me to ask you a question.

Oh yeah sorry I just wanted everybody to know that.

Cool. So how much do you bench?

A wicked lot man, a wicked lot.

Cool. You wanna go get a beer and play Xbox, or talk about SEO some more?

Please fool… Beer me.

Ok that went well. I gotta admit, you convinced me. You are pretty awesome. SEOs betta recognize.

And link to my shit.

Cool.

Cool.

*Chris walks off into the sunset with “You’re the Best” from Karate Kid blasting in the background.*