Chris Hooley’s -ThinkBait-

Imagine a marriage between cShel and Daver.  High atop the Sears Tower, the place is packed with friends, family, and SEO Superstars.  They are broadcasting live on uStream and hundreds of people are watching online.  Lisa Barone is live blogging the event, with SugarRae smacking her in the back of the head for not using the <more> tag.

Dave’s looking sharper than ever; standing at the alter in his tux, plams sweating, so focused on whats about to happen that he’s not even checking his iPhone for Twitter updates.  Carolyn walks in the room, looking absolutely ravishing.  Heads turn, and twitpic lights up with mobile uploads of our SEO darling in the most beautiful wedding dress Adsense ever bought.

All of the sudden, “Here Comes the Bride” is scratched to a halt and Europe’s “The Final Countdown” starts blasting over the speakers.  Strobe lights, fog, lights camera action.  Chris Hooley is elevated from a platform below the stage, pounding a beer bong like it’s spring break. “KISS THAT BRIDE MANG SO WE CAN GET THIS PARTY STARTEEEEEED!”

Dave busts out a rock the size of a softball (paid for by his newly launched pyramid affiliate scheme), pops it on Carolyn’s dainty finger, and Hooley screams “I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU SEO MAN AND SEO WIFE (#2)”.

This Could Happen, Really.

I can legally perform a marriage for any of you SEO rockstars, and turn your special day into a virtual circus.  For a small fee, or some kick ass links to some of my most prized web properties, THE Chris Hooley can do YOUR honors.  Because I’m now an ordained priest.

I’m a Dudeist Priest.

If you’re interested in hiring me to get the deed done, I take PayPal, money orders, Google Checkout, or XLS sheets filled with hot link locations.  I also do birthdays, bar mitzvahs, and I’m a notary public.

If you wanna learn more about how to become a dudeist priest yourself, I’m selling an ebook with convoluted instructions so I can make it seem more complicated than it really is and charge a fee for it, even though it’s free at this site over here.  So give me money and let’s turn your wedding into a real party!

I’ve been noticing a disturbing phenomenon in client SEO land.  Now, I’m not going to call out any Phoenix SEO companies specifically, but if you’re reading this, you probably know who you are.

Some of the people in the industry that I pegged as pure BS artists are landing clients faster than those with the skills that SHOULD pay the bills.  And it is not by virtue of their ability to rank a site or run an advertising campaign, it’s their ability to BS clients that’s getting them the work.

Don’t get me wrong, I respect your hustle Mr. Snake Oil.  You make more calls, kiss more ass, go to more “networking” events, and hand out more business cards.  You work for yours.  But where are your clients’ sites when you’re done with them?

I’ve been on the frontlines recently.  Pushing out proposals like a madman, researching people’s sites, and checking out the work left behind by previous SEO firms.  What I see, quite frankly, embarasses me.  Mostly because I am getting lumped in with these guys.  Then I get the client’s sob story about their previous experience.  It usually sounds something like this:

“They were great.  We had bi-weekly phone meetings, we used this neat little tool to track our progress, I got reports with graphs in them, and I even rank number one for “Arizona Mortgage Refinancing Specialist Ahwatukee AZ”.  But I just can’t afford the 8k a month retainer anymore“.

Or worse, this:

“They were terrible.  I had a really bad experience with [insert well known company] who promised me rankings.  They charged my 8k a month, and even had the gall to send more invoices when I asked for even the smallest changes“.

My interpretation of both scenarios leads to the same conclusion.

Scenario 1 – You’re a  good bullshitter.  You made your client believe they were getting a value from your shoddy service, overcharged, and dried up the well.

Scenario 2 – You’re a good bullshitter. You made your client believe they were going to get a value for your shoddy service, overcharged, and scared a client from using a better company’s web marketing services down the road.

You’re Doing It Wrong

Either way, I am seeing shoddy work from previous firms and agencies. They’re leaving huge holes in their campaigns.  I’m proposing lower prices than companies were used to paying their old crappy vendors.  I’m seeing low hanging fruit and easy wins for my potential clients.  And I am still having to hustle way more than I ever thought I would have to, just to save a potential client back to the good side of the force.  The fish that normally would be jumping in the boat, are still on the edge.

In cases like these, where clients have been burned, it doesn’t matter that I have rankings and case studies to prove my ability.  It doesn’t matter that I have ringing endorsements from referrals.  It doesn’t matter that I have no problem contracting out clauses or adding performance clauses to mitigate cost risk.  People just have a harder time trusting SEO companies in general, because of the BS artists who left trash in their wake.

If You Can’t Beat ‘Em?

Part of me wishes I had a better line of BS. Maybe I should have gone to more events to glad hand realtors, lawyers, and loan sharks.  Or maybe worked on my fake smiles a little more.  Tried to kiss more ass…

But that part of me IS BS.  I’m actually happy with the being a “no bullshit” kind of guy, even if I am not getting as many clients as more polished sales persons with less skill.  It’s just a shame that the pool of potential clients out there has been tarnished by slicksters who are all style, and little substance.

This is intense.  The feel of a new start up is exciting.  A good friend of mine is taking calls, literally from my living room. I’m  spending quite a bit of my own money to advertise a new product.  I’m rolling the dice.

Wish me luck, I am glued to analytics and my heart is pumping.  I hope this works!

It has to.  Failure is not an option.

I’ve owned this Phoenix SEO company since 2001, but let it go stale because I spent years as a corporate SEO.  Well, I’m no longer somebody else’s executive.  I’m my own boss now.  So it makes sense that I knock the dust off of my old site and start taking clients again!

So far so good. Even with the old haggard design, I’ve been able to score a couple pretty cool clients.  But I could always use more!  No more flying solo and getting clients only by reputation.  I’m gonna work that old site and see what we can do!  It already ranks well, and it’s and older site, so a little link building will go a long way.

Truth be told, I’m looking forward to competing again with some awesome companies out here and getting back into the mix.

Until recently, I forgot how fun it is to help *other* people make money on the web.  As a self proclaimed “advanced web marketing” guy, it’s exciting when I first get my hands on a new site or marketing campaign.  There are always tweaks that are high impact and easy that make an immediate impact. Low hanging fruit all over the place.

So look out Arizona, I’ve flexed my muscles out in the big corporate world and I’m coming back to my roots.  My first successful business on the web.  MCP Media!

And BTW- it has a blog now. The Phoenix SEO Blog. So feel free to head over and give that mofo a little love eh?